After showing the contestants a bizarre video game
about a boy showering with his
father, host Chris Hardwick asks what the next level of the game would
contain.
Matt Mira: You spend the rest
of your adult life trying to forget your dad isn't
circumcised.
(Chris Hardwick cringes, Jessica Chobot
groans, while Kevin Smith shakes his head in
agreement.)
Kevin Smith: I had that. Did
you live with that? I had an uncut dad.
Matt Mira: I did.
Kevin Smith: I was always,
like, "Why is mine different?", and he was like, "I
don't know. Lucky, I guess."
Subtext: "The foreskin is disgusting." So Smith's
father lied, and, if he means he asked repeatedly, he wasn't fooled.
60
minutes
(TV3, New
Zealand) Mon, 24 Sep 2007 "Separated
at Birth" 14 minutes
Official summary: "These circumcised men say they are amputees, and
that having no foreskin has dampened their ability to feel sexually the
way non-circumcised men do. They are even exploring ways to get a new
foreskin.
On the other hand, some believe that it should be mandatory for all
baby boys to be circumcised. They say it greatly reduces the boy’s
chances of getting diseases including HIV later in life."
Includes a short clip of Brian
Morris, but generally pro-intact. Has some memorable phrases,
such as "[Circumcised men] lose a Symphony of Sensation" and "Keep your
sticky mitts off his private parts." (Shows a Plastibell™ circumcision,
not for the squeamish) Video no longer available, comments still
visible.
78th
Academy Awards (2006)
March 5,
2006
Presenting the award for special effects, Ben
Stiller wears a green unitard and pretends to be using green-screen
technology to appear as a floating head, then - covering his head with
a green mask - invisible.
Host Jon Stewart:
Congratulations to the winners and congratulations to Ben Stiller and
his amazing green unitard. It's good to have proof that he's Jewish.
Implying
that all and only Jews are circumcised. Why it
would be "good to have proof" is not clear. The unitard (actually more
like BVDs) wasn't even particularly tight, hardly giving proof that
Stiller is male:
Ace
of Cakes
A cooking show
Duff Goldman and Geoffrey Manthorne are putting
the
finishing touches to a cake in the form of a CAT scan machine. When
Geoffrey snips a
piece off to complete the cake, Duff says it was a nice snip and he
would be a good mohel.
Both laugh.
A typically gratuitious reference to circumcision
as Jewish.
Amy Schumer - Mostly Sex
Stuff
Standup, recorded in San Francisco,
2012
Did you ever see an uncircumcised penis? You
did? Did you know, did you know you
were going to see it? No. It's always a fucking surprise party right?
It's a big...
(She picks out a couple in the audience who look slightly
olive skinned, maybe
Latino). It's him right, it's him! [As
though there would be
only one intact man in a San Francisco audience]
Wait here's the funniest thing.. I'm sorry that
everyone knows about your penis
now but here's the best part; he's wearing a shirt that says
"Browncoats". [And this is funny
because...?]
Nobody ever tells you, right? They don't tell
you
shit, just 'we just invented (sic) the
snuffleupagus, enjoy!' Why don't
they tell us! We just have to become award winning
actresses. [Assuming that no woman
likes a whole man.]
"Oh no, that's totally cool. (Mom can you come
pick me up.. I don't know it's
wearing like a hat, like a browncoat type of thing.) Why don't they
tell us? I
would tell you if I had an extra flap over my clitoris. [Newsflash, Amy! It's called your
clitoral prepuce!] I'd give you a heads up, I
would. I'd be like, "you're going to encounter a wizard - keep going,
take this
compass. I'd keep it exciting, play the music from Zelda. It's be
great.
(Segue to other material...)
The way I saw an uncircumcised penis. [She's only seen one?]
I had met
a guy at a bar and he was French,
so I should have known but I didn't know he was actually French, I
thought we were
both wasted and faking the accent you know.....
So I went home with this French guy, so he seems
adorable (diversion into other
jokes...)
So I'm making out with him and he gave up right
away because he's French I guess
and he pulled out his dick immediately. he must have been thinking
"she's the one!" [Oh she
wishes!]
and I'm looking at it just like "What? What is that ? Are we having a
pillow fight?
Why is the
gnome from Travelocity in your underpants?"
[Has she ever actually
seen a foreskin?]
But like guys are sensitive too, and I couldn't
do what I was thinking, like
"Aaaargh!", like run down the 5 flights of his walkup. I had to be like
a team player
and like "Here we go," fighting through the skin to find his actual
penis (sic). It- I felt
like a magician with the scarves. I'm just... (mimes pulling
out a string of
scarves)
It's
highly doubtful he ever wanted to have sex with her again after that.
It would be illuminating, and probably much funnier to see his
standup about sex with her. "Zut! Alors! She
completely ignored the prepuce! She zeemed to be trying to get rid of
it! It was like playing petanque with someone who thinks they are
playing baseball!" etc.
In the not-too-distant future, this will be as
funny as coon jokes or jokes about dumb blondes.
Amy Schumer
There were probably many intact
men in the audience so it's a pity there was't some backlash. Her
assumptions that 1) whole men are rare 2) all women react as she does,
verge on stupidity.
A viewer (with a hood...on his head) poses the
question, "Is it true that girls don't like it when guys are
uncircumcised?"
Anna David, a sex columnist in a low-cut dress,
having experienced Englishmen, says "It's the guy, not the penis" and
denies that intact penises smell, but doesn't actually defend them. She
grants they "look kinda funny".
Host Olivia Munn tells of an encounter with an
intact man that she found gross, and she never hooked up with him
again, but doesn't actually say why. She says "you should cut it off"
because "this is what it looks like".
Unbelievably shallow. Imagine switching the sexes.
America
or Busted
Six-part documentary series following the British
band Busted as they try to make it in America
Episode 6:
(Street sign: "Times Square" We follow
Matt Jay {Willis} into a bar where he joins his mates in armchairs. He
has a mohawk haircut.)
Charlie Simpson: There's
something different about you. I can't put my finger on it..
Matt Jay: Oh really?
Charlie Simpson: I think it's
the chop. Have you had the chop?
Matt Jay: I still have a
foreskin, but I have had a haircut.
Manager Matthew Fletcher: That
is disgusting.
What is "disgusting" is unclear, but since all
three are English, it is presumably not his foreskin itself. It might
even be the haircut.
America's
Funniest Home Videos
(ABC) Episode 300.
Host (Tom Bergeron): It's
unusual to have a pig perform your bris.
(A hog then bites a young boy in the crotch. Canned laughter.)
Not only unusual, but a highly un-Jewish
suggestion. The pain and damage of circumcision is trivialised.
Thanks to NORM-UK
Originally Broadcast: ~2001
Repeated: 5 Dec 2005, WGN Chicago
(shown in both the USA and Canada)
Baby is sitting looking at camera.
Tom Bergeron: Brian, bad
news. The doctor called and they've got to do
the circumcision again.
(Baby makes face and groans. Canned
laughter.)
Assumes all boys in the USA and Canada are
circumcised. Implies circumcision is once and forever when in fact some
circumcisions do need to be revised because of skin bridges or
other
complications. Implies that circumcision is funny and trivial.
Thanks to NORM-UK
Baggage
Dating
game show hosted by Jerry Springer in which contestants reveal negative
facts about themselves, broadcast May 30, 2013 on KOFY
Contestant Terry hopes to go out with Kristi
Jerry: Terry, it is time to
reveal your baggage. Kristi: Oh! Terry: I have a botched circumcision. Jerry: Is this a concern or is the
question how botched? Kristi: Yeah, I think the question would
be how botched. I'd kind of want to see it so i can judge for myself. Jerry: What about that? Terry: I can explain. First of all, it's
not my fault, it's the doctor's fault. Actually it's pretty cool and
pretty sexy in the bedroom because I can spice things up and I can put
jewelry on and i have an example of a hoop that can go there. So I live
on the fast lane a little bit and we can spice things up if that was
needed to be. Jerry: So Kristi, I have to ask you now,
is this baggage you want to handle? Kristi: Well, terry, I think I can
accept your baggage. Terry There you go! Jerry: Kristi and terry will enjoy a
fabulous dinner in Beverly Hills, and we will see you next time.
Congratulations! Terry Thanks for accepting my baggage.
His circumcision is assumed to have been
inevitable, and the botch (apparently a skin-bridge)
amorphous.
Big
Brother
(An early "reality" TV show, in which hidden
cameras monitor contestants confined to a house while they try to avoid
being voted out by each other and the audience.)
Series 5:
[Drew Daniel, Scott, Jase and Will are in
the bathroom talking about
Drew's intact penis]
Drew Daniel
Scott: I have never seen one
Drew: Well I don't want to show
you right here
Scott: No it's okay.. maybe
later.. but what does it look like?
Drew: The best way I can
describe it is an elephant's trunk.
[Everyone freaks out.]
Scott: What do chicks do? Do
they freak out?
Drew: No, they love it.
Jase: Do you have a head?
Drew: YES! ha ha!
Will: We only have 30% of the sensitivity that he does..
so he enjoys sex
like, way more, Scott: Drew, that's great.
Drew: Yeah, it is, man.
[Will gives some
more statistics, until some women come
into the bathroom and they change the subject.]
This
figure is low but within the plausible range, since circumcision
routinely removes 50% of
penile skin, and Meissner's
corpuscles are concentrated in the ridged band of the
foreskin. Drew Daniel goes on to win the show.
(UK)
During a game to win food and supplies for the British Big Brother
house, Big Brother showed Mikey a photograph of housemate Sezer as a
child, dressed festively,
and asked what he was celebrating. Mikey guessed: "His birthday?" A
"Wrong!" buzzer sounded and Big Brother told Mikey: "It was his
circumcision." Embarrassed, Sezer hid his face in his hands. His fellow
housemates then "broke into hysterics" according to the Daily
Mail.
In the UK, only Muslims and Jews commonly
circumcise.
Season 9, broadcast Sunday, February 17, 2008. In
this season the contestants have been paired off, regardless of
existing partnerships outside.
A dark bedroom. James is in bed. His
partner Jen is brushing her hair.
James: Hey, Jen, Adam's name
is called "the Hooded Warrior".
Jen: "The Hooded Warrior"?
James: Yeah.
Jen: Why?
James: Ask him.
(Jen gets up, goes
to the door and calls.)
Jen: Adam! Adam!
James: Yo, Adam!
Adam
Jasinski
Adam: What?
James: Do you go by "the Hooded
Warrior"?
Adam: Yup.
Jen: Why is your name "the
Hooded Warrior"?
Adam: Because I'm uncut. Not
circumcised.
(Jen and James
laugh, joined by others in the house, off camera.)
Jen: Oh my God! Not
circumcised?!"
The diary room. Sheila, Adam's partner,
already reluctant because of his previous crass and
boorish remarks - CBS has been asked for an apology on behalf of
autistic and mentally challenged children who Adam called "r*t*rds" -
talks to camera.
Sheila: Out of every guy in
here, I get the uncircumcised guy! What is that about?
The bedrooms.
Jen: Are you really?
The diary room. Jen, to camera.
Jen: (laughing) Yeah, I have
never seen an uncircumcised penis. And I found out Adam had one. And I
wanted to see it.
The bedrooms.
Jen: Are you really not
circumcised?
Adam: You want a tutorial? I'll
give you a one-on-one tutorial.
Cut to Jen and another girl in a doorway.
Jen is pointng toward Adam (off-camera), laughing loudly. Adam has
apparently shown them.
The diary room. Adam, to camera.
Adam: I'm uncut, dude. That's
what it is. And apparently I'm - everybody finds it to be amusing.
The bedrooms, in darkness, the guests are
still laughing.
[presumably] Jen: Eww!!
The diary room.
Jen: I mean it's weird. It's so
weird.
The bedrooms. Everyone is still laughing.
Jen: Why are you uncircumcised?
Adam: (Shrugging his
shoulders) I had no choice! [He
could have said "Same reason you are."]
The diary room. Adam.
Adam: I gave her a glimpse at
it, ya know.... I didn't give her the one-on-one, how to operate it,
but I gave her a little idea of how it works, like.
The bedrooms.
A woman: You can get it -
A woman: You gotta wash it so
it doesn't stink. [Just
like hers.]
This underlines a point made in the introduction to
these pages: "Anyone may be as insulting as they like about the
foreskin or the man who has one. They have no feelings or rights."
Adam's acceptance of labels implying some lapse, and his lack of Anteater
Pride, is also due for an overhaul. The contrast between this
and the treatment of autistic children is striking. While the
contestants are responsible only for themselves, the appearance of
these remarks in the edited highlights is the fault of the producers of
the show.
"Hooded Warrior" T-shirts, mugs, magnets, etc. are
available at The
Intactivism Shop.
CBS has planted a saboteur, who is not there to win
the
game, among the house guests, and only CBS and the saboteur know who it
is. If the saboteur can last five weeks in the house without getting
evicted he/she will win
$50,000.
One of the main suspects is Andrew, a podiatrist from Miami
Beach, Florida, who often refers to being Jewish. In a diary room
session at the beginning of the episode, he says:
People think I'm the saboteur and if I wasn't
safe from eviction this
week, I'd be nervous ... like a rabbi performimg a circumcision. (makes
a cutting gesture with an evil, exaggerated chuckle)
(HBO, early 2005) Comedian Richard Jeni
spends perhaps five minutes on circumcision. He acts out the baby being
strapped down, "then WHAM!" his foreskin cut off, using his finger
sticking over the edge of a table, then asking his mother why he was
circumcised. As her, he looks around vaguely and says "I wanted you to
match your father".
"Oh yes, bald and tubby, I thought I matched him
pretty well already. ... The reason men are having so much trouble with
the penis is because they were molested as infants," He suggests that,
like the Phantom of the Opera, they spend the rest of their lives
seeking revenge on the person who did this to them.
As "Penis of the Opera" he limps around the stage
with his hand half covering his face, peering between his fingers. (The
sketch does not return to circumcision, but the image of the
circumcised penis as being like the disfigured face of the Phantom is
powerful.)
Blind
Date
A "reality" show in which a camera follows a
series of blind dates, and captions and doodles are superimposed over
the participants.
A couple are in a cigar shop. When the man cuts a
cigar,
a caption appears:
"Cigar is now Jewish!"
Circumcision does not make anyone Jewish
The vast majority of circumcised men are not
Jewish
Responding to the question 'What don't you want to
hear the first time
someone sees you naked?' the cast, sitting in front of a
studio audience, replied with a variety of funny answers.
Comedian Jeff Foxworthy: "Just
how many times were you circumcised?"
(Audience laughter)
Message: Circumcision reduces the size of the
penis.
Thanks to NORM-UK
Brand
X
(FX
Network) Season 1 episode 1, June 28, 2012
Russell
Brand ventures into the audience and learns that a (Muslim)
woman's brother was circumcised at 13. He says that's a late age, and
goes on to describe circumcision very derisively as something nobody
would choose, chopping the end of the penis off, etc.
Penn
& Teller: Bullsh¡t!
At last! A show that actually goes for
circumcision's jugular! First broadcast April 25, 2005 on Showtime. Penn & Teller
are better known as two conjurers who explain their tricks.
The show is unique in
giving Intactivists a chance to make our case
discussing
the innervation of the foreskin
its unique rolling action
its role in sex
making jokes against circumcision rather than
against Intactivists
treating restoration (more or less) seriously
skewering circumcisors Edgar Schoen (they let
him read his own poetry)
and Elizabeth Lister ("With this clamp, used correctly, there's zero
chance of hurting the baby's penis.")
It implies that Intactivists are only in San
Francisco, when in fact, we are to be found all over the world.
Great lines:
On the "cleanliness" argument: "How tough do
you think it is to get a kid to rub his cock in the shower?"
"Cut off [part of] the end of your dick and be
God's friend? I'd hate to see how the Almighty treats his enemies - all
right, they burn in hell forever."
...
Tonight's half-hour obliges us to laugh, wince and cogitate as the
third
season kicks off with what we can only call a load of genital jokes.
When
towering bully Penn Jillette goes after circumcision, you know
precisely
what physical areas will fuel his humor.
Yet amid the gleefully displayed sex toys, frontal
nudity, Oscar Mayer [brand of small sausage] allusions and cameo
appearance by porn king Ron Jeremy, there's a sincere
issue here. And it gets sincere, thoughtful treatment. Penn &
Teller might
not take themselves seriously, but that's how they ultimately address
their shows' topics.
But with anywhere between 65 and 80 percent of
American men said to have
been circumcised, tonight's exhortations are no slam-dunk sale.
The evidence the pair presents on circumcision is,
to say the least,
disconcerting, whether it's statistics (the most common surgery in
America
at about 3,000 a day), history (the procedure was popularized as a
"cure"
for masturbation), consequences (from purported sexual dysfunction to
the
question of what happens to all that removed skin) and remedies (with
live-action close-ups). ...
As myth-busters go, Penn Jillette and his partner
of 30 years, Teller,
have few equals.
...
Entering its third season on Monday with a
laugh-riot look (as in,
up-close and disturbingly personal) at circumcision, the unflinching,
uncensored series examines all manner of topics
... through their ostensibly objective,
non-rose-colored glasses.
...
The circumcision episode stemmed from a
conversation Jillette had with a
female friend of his. In the episode, which pulls no punches, infants
get
clamped and snipped, doctors explain the process in scientific detail,
anti-circumcision activists bare all and say things like, "I'm really
angry with doctors who love to play with baby boys' penises and cut 'em
off."
All of that is peppered by juvenile silliness, which includes rubber
sex
toys, giant phalluses and crude euphemisms. Oh, and legendarily large
porn
prince Ron Jeremy cameos with a guillotine. Cliched? Sure. Funny? Um,
not
really. ...
"...
you
know [Teller says] that if you brought up, 'I'm havin' a son in a few
months and I been
reading some s--- about circumcision, I just don't really know,' you
know
that if you're sitting around with your friends that our hearts are
gonna
go out to you, we're gonna talk to you honestly and openly, and we're
also
gonna make a lot of jokes. And we're gonna do all of that s--- all at
once.
"And somehow television has this point of view that it's either/or. But
that's not the way human beings live." ...
Chelsea
Lately
Comedianne Chelsea Handler and her assistant Chuy
Bravo are interviewing men and women to be Chelsea's bodyguard.
Chuy: Are
you circumcised?
Man: Yes, I am.
Chelsea: Well, we're actually
looking for someone who has not been circumcised. Would
you be willing to reverse the procedure? (audience laughs)
The question would be funnier if restoration was not possible.
Discussing the day's tabloid events, Chelsea asks
her panel of guests what they think of Paris
Hilton. An Australian comedian says Australians are fans of
her because they don't have many
celebrities.
Chelsea: "You guys don't
even get circumcised. You don't get a vote."
Casual denigration of intact men. An Australian aged 25-35 is
almost as likely to be circumcised as an American.
And again, she put down Simon van Kempen from The
Real Housewives of New York by describing him as
"uncircumcised", presumably because he is Australian
(but which in fact is no guarantee).
And
see below. It seems to be a
favourite topic of hers.
Comedy
Central
First broadcast February, 2004.
Alan Cumming: ... I've found
that everyone else in America has
become completely obsessed with cleanliness. Over here people take a
bath,
then they take a shower to rinse the bath off. Back where I come from -
it's
a place that your president likes to call "Yurp" (laughter,
applause) - yeah, back in Yurp, we tend to be more
comfortable with dirt, perhaps because
we are all uncircumcised. It's true. I have a foreskin (points),
and I'm proud! (throws fist in air, crowd roars, cheers, claps)
But, you know, when I take my pants off in America, people gasp, which is
kinda nice (smirks), until I realise that they're
actually staring at my penis as if it's some kind of National
Geographic photo come to life. And they look at it and
they're like "Wow! What do you do with that? How
does it work?"
Because, you know, you think because it's different, my uncircumcised
penis, that somehow it's dirty,
and that is wrong, America! (modest clapping and laughing)
When I'm here in America, I feel like Pigpen from
Charlie
Brown, you know as if there's this big cloud floating around my
foreskin all
the time (laughter, clapping). So, tonight, I'm
taking it upon myself to
re-educate America about my penis. (points. Audience roars,
claps)
First of all, uncircumcised penises, like mine,
need to know
that they are not alone.
When I was doing Cabaret, the only other person who
was uncircumcised was the security guard. I won't go into how I know
that but... (laughs, smirks, skips a little) Just
let me tell you that for the rest of the run, I felt very, very secure.
We eventually formed a support group, he and I. It was called "The
Society for
Penises Under No Knives" or S.P.U.N.K. for short,... or long,
depending... (clapping, cheering).
Tonight, we embrace uncut comedy, we go back to a
time when comics offended ...
This
is quite remarkable in being perhaps the first unequivocally pro-intact
segment on US TV, ever. If not, correction
would be very welcome.
Freak
Show Episodes # 106-7: Mohel-Me-Not Parts 1 &2
Originally Aired: Nov 9 and 16, 2006 Official summary: 1. The
Hartsdales choose to circumcise Primi while performing in a heavily
Jewish community, but does the local rabbi have an ulterior motive?
(2. Having used Primi's foreskin to summon Moshiach, the Jewish
messiah, Pat Robertson and the President decide to fight back with
their own secret weapon. When Primi exposes their plot and is captured,
the Freak Squad must come to his rescue.)
Primi is a premature baby who can talk and
identifies as Italian. His elderly guardians are hesitant, but Rabbi
Aaron Sugerman is insistent:
"It's the law, Mrs Hartsdale. My hands are tied.
God has tied my hands."
He threatens them with a divine Holocaust but they say they'll think
about it. They discuss it with Primi and the other freaks:
Primi: I don' unnerstand. Mrs H: Well they want to slice off the
tip of your penis, dear. Mr H: Yeah, just the tippy-tip of the
skin. It's a Jewish tradition Primi: Why Jews do thees? Mrs H: It was something God told them to
do 6000 years ago. Who knows what goes through God's crazy mind? Primi: Maybe i's a practical joke. Mrs H: Oh probably, but a very important
one to these Jews. They also can't have shrimp. Huh, whaddaya think of
that? They cut their babies' penises and they can't have shrimp. The Bearded Clam, a boneless woman
(stereotypical feminist): Well I am sorry but this is a barbaric
antiquated practice. I mean it's mutilation. It's inhumane. Tuck, the Siamese twin: It's not
inhumane. Benny, the other Siamese twin: Yeah,
it's just highly unnecessary. Log Cabin Republican (stereotypically
gay): Can I just stick my nose in her for a second. As far as pure
esthetics go, I don't think it's a good idea. It just ruins the look.
Plus, docking
is completely out of the question. Mrs H: Well I think we need to ask Primi
what he thinks. I mean, he is the future of Freak
Show. Dear, how do you feel about this? Primi: Mmm, well, if it means we can
stay an'a Mrs Hartsdale get the [cow cozies?], I guess i's OK. Mrs H: Oh, thank you, Primi. Mr H: An' just leave your foreskin for
the Foreskin Fairy. Mrs H: And maybe he'll leave you a tooth. Primi: Yay! (claps... stops
clapping) Yay.
The other Freaks blind the mohel with pepper and
rescue Primi from the "Made-up Company Name Circumcision Dome",
replacing him with a cat. The cat
is circumcised. The Jews use the foreskin ("With this
foreskin I thee wed") to create a Messiah (who is more like a Golem).
This show has something to offend everybody, mainly
Jews but also Catholics, Evangelicals, Jehovah's Witnesses, Muslims and
Scientologists, but it runs the same old themes: Circumcision is
Jewish. Circumcision is trivial. The objections to circumcision are
token. The disquiet is palpable.
Carlos Mencia makes fun of the "Fantastic Four"
movie with the speaker of the
voiceovers for movie previews.
Carlos:...Another one of the
superheroes can stretch any of his body parts as far as he wants. Now
if I could do that, I wouldn't be fighting crime, I'd be banging chicks
in China from my couch. (applause) You know what I
mean?
Voiceover Dude: One man, one couch, one
extremely long penis - Fantastic Foreskin! (applause)
A
rare instance of the foreskin not being denigrated - perhaps because
Mencia and Voiceover Dude are both Hispanic.
The "comedy" (from 53" to 1'30") consists entirely
of denigrating intact men (and non-Americans) - "You dirty,
uncircumcised freak!" and it goes downhill from there. Just imagine
switching the sexes.
Hey, could you turn off the light?
You say that because you don't want her to know you're uncircumcised
The implication is that intactness is shameful.
In another segment, he talks about going to his
brother's house, and his girlfriend saying
Well leave your penis here, why would you need
it? It's uncircumcised anyways
This makes very little sense.
Workaholics
Official
summary: "Adam, Blake and Ders come up with an unconventional and
intimate method of interviewing applicants for a free spot in their
cubicle."
The three are interviewing Zac Efron and an
unattractive geek, with a clear bias towards Efron. (He lapdances with
them, which they love, and don't want to geek to lapdance.) They
pretend to be undecided until the geek suggests that for diversity they
need a Jew. Efron annouces that he is a Jew, and they demand to see his
penis as proof. He shows them and they are entranced by it. One asks if
Leonardo da Vinci created it. The geek shows them (but not us) his, and
they despise it, comparing it to "a reject from the Muppet Show" and
"Gonzo", implying he is intact.
The Great Gonzo
He walks out and they send more insults after him.
Subtexts: "Only Jews are circumcised" and "The
foreskin is disgusting."
IGNything Goes: Quiz show in
which contestants have to pick the real one of two unlikely statements.
(Starts 1:03 in) link
Gavin Free: When I was growin'
up I did have a lot of foreskin questions. I didn't put them on the
Internet. I didn't put them on IGN. I just feel like - I'm not
circumcised.
Chris Hardwick: WHAT! Get some
Satanists in here and convert this man! [Satanists
do not circumcise, but the previous question mentioned conversion to
Judaism and Satanism.]
Gavin Free (calmly):
I just did't feel like it was really doing what it should. Like it
wasn't really covering anything.
Chris Hardwick: Listen, you can
keep talking but everyone can't but picture your dick.
Gavin Free (smiles,
makes gesture of acknowledgment): You're welcome.
The Judaism/Satanism reference adds confusion, but
Hardwick's outburst could hardly do more to make intactness seem like a
social/medical/religious emergency, and strangely parallels outbursts
like Joan Rivers'.
Conan
December 9, 2010
Conan O'Brien: No, I've got,
uh, just in honor of the last day of Hanukkah, I've got a special joke
for you. This is true. It was in the news. It's been reported that many
Orthodox Jews are starting to cautiously embrace the internet. Isn't
that amazing? Yeah. (Light applause) Yeah, for
example, they've already started sending spam e-mails offering to
slightly decrease your penis size right after you're born." (Laughter
and applause. Conan makes repeated cutting gestures.) I'm
sure there's more to it than that.
Andy Richter: "Is that
'mohel.com'? Is that where that's from?"
It is a change to admit that circumcision reduces
the size of the penis, but implicitly "Only Jews circumcise."
December 3, 2014. Official
summary; The Centers
for Disease Control think circumcision is the way to go, so why not do
one live in the studio?
Conan:
The CDC today
released a long-awaited seven-year study ... and they proved once and
for all that the medical benefits of circumcision outweigh the risks.
... And they recommend that everybody be circumcised, that they get the
procedure done. [Not so.]
Wow! (He
announces that they have found an intact man in the audience and
orderlies proceed to frog march him on to a surgical table, pull a
curtain and "circumcise" him without anaesthetic (with screaming) and
then drape him in a banner saying "CIRCUMCISED" and sing to him.)
Swallows the CDC line completely, and jokes about
a circumcision rape.
The Daily Show
Preview of
March 2, 1999
- Hey, we gotta go, everybody. Check us out
tomorrow night at 11 when we'll
find out... (picture of
a doctor's hand holding a scalpel over a naked newborn boy's penis) Is
it too late to get it back?
March 2,
1999 - "Working for Tips": A bris is still a bris.
Good news for males who haven't been
born yet. The American Academy of Pediatrics has concluded there's no
overriding medical reason to
perform circumcisions. Wow. Where were you guys in
1962? Opponents of circumcision claim it leaves
long-term psychological scars and deminishes sexual pleasure, but
experts say "So does growing up,
dating, and getting married." Critics also contend that the procedure
causes loss of sensation,
penis curvature, and virtually closes the door to a career in European
porn. While performing ritual
circumcisions, many rabbis use a little wine on their finger as a form
of anasthesia, which not only
relieves some of the discomfort, but prepares the boy for a lifetime of
using alcohol to kill the
pain caused by his penis. (Laughter, applause and cheering, and a male
audience member yells
"Yeah!")
May 18,
1999 - (Interview with guest comedian Robert Schimmel, who discusses
the birth of his
newborn son)
Robert: The weird
thing was we had to decide on the circumcision in the hospital and, uh,
you
know, they said, "Do you really wanna get one or not
get one" because I guess there's a big
controversy now on whether you really have to or you don't. And I said,
"I don't care". And my wife
said, "Yeah, we should do it cause I don't like the way they look when
they're not." And, uh, I
said, "They? How many have you seen?" I mean, uh...
Jon: Yeah, I don't know if you
want really your wife to be commenting on which penis she prefers. [Nothing about what the penis's
owner prefers...]
Robert: Yeah. I didn't know she
was an authority really cause I've only seen one on video and it was
mine.
Jon: So, what, did you, did you
go with it?
Robert: Yes, we did. And I was
in there for it. My wife wouldn't be in there for it. She said, "I
don't want him to hear my voice or connect me to the
pain he's gonna go through. So, you go." And,
uh, they brought smelling salts in and I said, "Wow, could he faint
from this?" They said, "This is
for you." And, uh, it's pretty scary.
Jon: Did you faint? Did you get
woozy?
Robert: I got very woozy.
Jon: It's a tough thing to
watch.
Robert: It's a very tough thing
to watch. [even tougher to
undergo...] They strap you down. And I was
going, and he was crying, and I'm going, "You're a good boy. You're a
good boy." And the doctor said, "Don't say that to him.
That's negative reinforcement."
Jon: Right!
Robert: "You're a good boy.
We're gonna cut your penis. Good boy! Snip! Hey!"
Jon: Did they keep,
did they slap him at all or did they cut it or was
there other stuff
involved? Cause with me, that was that way. "Take it!" (Slap!)
You know.
Robert: No, they put this dome
over the top and screw this thing on and they have like a cookie
cutter thing they use. (Audience groans) Hey, well,
how else are you supposed to do it?
Jon: I don't know
how. I don't have uh...
Robert: In the old days, they
did it with a stone.
Jon: That's not so.
Robert: Yes, it is. They pull
the thing up and...(makes slicing noise and motion while
audience
groans again)
Jon: How olden days are we
talkin'? That's not like, we're not talkin' the fifties. I mean when
when... when was that?
Robert: I think in biblical
times, actually.
Jon: Well, that's good.
August 19,
1999 - "Mississippi Masada": Administrators at a
Mississippi high school have banned
Jewish 11th grader Ryan Green from displaying his Star of David, citing
concerns that other students
could mistake it for a gang symbol, and insist he remove it, wear it
beneath his shirt or better yet
a crucifix. Green, who has moved forward with a civil suit against the
school, is especially worried
the board's actions will make him afraid to express his beliefs in the
future saying, "And how's all
the hoochies s'pose to know I gots the dope circumcision?"
(John Stewart), April
20, 2005, soon after the election of Pope Benedict XVI:
I - I mean, - the whole Pope thing, I'll tell you,
here's how wrong I was about this whole thing as far as the new Pope -
. I had my money on [Joseph] Leiberman [D. Connecticut,
vice-presidential candidate in 2000, well known to be Jewish]. (laughter)
I thought for sure - I tell you what: conservative, religious, I
thought, ur, (laughter) The only problem,
apparently, ur, he's got (points downward with his pen)
whaddaya call it there, the penis with the ur, (makes a
slicing movement with his other hand) got the ur, (makes
a sweeping movement over his head), ur, 'pparently, you wanna
be the Pope, you gotta wear sump'n on your - (holds up both
hands in despair). But, the important thing is - urr, I know
nothing about anything.
Half of the humour is that he talks about
circumcision without mentioning it. It plays on the fallacy that all
and only Jews are circumcised (and perhaps deliberately plays on the
fact that to be Pope a man must not have been castrated.)
Jon Stewart: What is your take
on this whole vaccine issue? What is the vaccine about?
Kristen Schaal: Well, frankly,
I'm just excited people are talking about women's health. Anything to
distract us from the terribly polarizing circumcision debate. By the
way, I vote yes. Not crazy about turtlenecks. You? What do you think?
Jon Stewart (flustered,
freezes): How- How does the vaccine work?
The attack on intactness is gratuitous.
The Doctors
Broadcast November 19, 2008. Official
summary: The Doctors count down the top five medical
procedures for kids. Are these common surgeries really safe? And,
circumcision comes under the knife; is it necessary or cosmetic? [Treatment of circumcision in The
Doctors has been so consistently poor that a video has been made systematically
dismantling it.]
A 72 year old man presents with BXO. He was partially (or
badly) circumcised ten years before and has become reinfected. The
doctor recommends a further circumcision. At the start of the programme
the doctor says "If you come to see us, we are not necessarily going to
chop it off," (a remark apparently intended to reassure against
castration anxiety, not circumcison anxiety.) The programme provides an
information page on the subject.
Extreme Male Beauty (UK)
Channel 4 series: 1. pecs, 2. penis, 3. abs, 4.
face.
(Official
summary of programme 2) Having spent two weeks trying to
increase the size of his pecs, Tim [Shaw] turns to a more personal
project - getting a bigger penis.
To answer the question "What sort of penis do
women find most attractive?" he had a long screen with pelvis-high
holes in it, and five naked men stood behind it with their genital
regions on show. (One was Shaw himself. Viewers complained that at 7.5"
he was just showing off.) In introducing them he said, of
the single circumcised example,
Shaw: "....and this is Mr C.
We thought we'd better have an example of that."
None of the women paid any special attention to Mr C. except one ("who
looked as if she must have experienced more than her fair share of
dicks in her time" - a correspondent) who claimed she had never seen a
circumcised one. The penis voted most attractive had "a visible but not
exaggerated overhang".
Illustrating that circumcision in the UK is a minor
curiosity.
The Graham Norton Show
2008, Series 4, Episode 12, Graham
is showing his guests Davina McCall and Jack Dee a book of the story of
Christmas, illustrated with scenes made of Lego.
Graham: Page 16: 'After eight
days passed, it was time for the child to be circumcised.'
Davina: No! No!
Graham: Do you want to see it?
Davina: Yes. (Graham
shows the picture from the book of a Lego baby
Jesus being circumcised by another Lego man)
Davina: "No! Oh, no! No!" (audience
laughter. Davina appears horrified and puts her hands over her mouth.
Jack Dee grimaces)
Graham: That's in shops. You
can buy it.
To Norton and his UK audience, circumcision is
somewhat outlandish and purely religious - but not to be shown to
children, even as Lego.
November 9, 2013 (US Airdate)
In a game of University Challenge, guest Jeremy
Paxman quizzes Graham and guests
Elton John, Judi Dench, and John Bishop.
Paxman: Okay, one final
question. Who on the sofa once got their foreskin caught in
the zip and was rescued by their grandmother?
Elton John: And it was then the
biggest it's ever been. It swelled up to the most
enormous size. And she had to get it in a bowl. She had a bowl of hot
water. And she
was the only person I trusted to do it. And since then, it's been a
huge
disappointment.
Walter: Franken-stein;
sounds like a Jewish name. (Jeff is bemused) You
think Dr Frankenstein was Jewish?
Jeff: I dunno.
Walter: That'd explain a lot.
... That explains why his monster was angry all the time.
Jeff: Why?
Walter: Because he circumcised
the poor bastard! Now that changes the movie completely! "He's killing
the villagers because he's deranged!" "No he's not, his weiner hurts."
...
Jeff: Walter, you went from
Frankenstein to circumstition - cision (he cracks up)
Walter: Focus! What the hell is
"circumstition"? Sounds like something they cut out of the
Constitution. Just the top part.
Jeff: All right.
Walter: Yep, by the
forefathers....
The first segment makes only the safe points that
"Circumcision is Jewish" and "Adult circumcision is painful". The
second appears to be not a reference to these pages but a genuine slip,
a repeat of the "st" of "Frankenstein" within "circumcision", a common
kind of slip of the tongue.
Jep
& Jessica: Growing the Dynasty
Sequel to "Duck Dynasty" Season 1, Episode 3, "The
Circumbration" first broadcast January 29, 2016. Official summary:
Jules gets circumsized (sic) and Jep throws a
celebration called a "circumbration" party while Jess' friends throw
her a baby shower.
The focus is on Jep and Jessica's thoughts and feelings.
They decide to have their adopted son Jules cut because (0:6)
Jep says, "this is a boy becoming a man" and when Jessica corrects him
"he's on his way to becoming a man" (by having the sensory organ cut
off
his penis).
It does not go as they expect. Jep says (at
1:27) "That was not cool. Man, like
you just think, like, SNIP! but oh no, there's a lot more to it, there
was some FLAYING involved."
This clip might even change minds.
Joan and Melissa Rivers show
(April 8, 2000, E! Television) re-capping the
recent Academy Awards (Oscars) show and the fashions the stars were
wearing. At the end of the show, male dancers in kilts/skirts (and
tights) surround Joan, who sings. Near the end she falls to the ground
for dramatic effect, looks up one of the dancers' kilts and says,
"Please, call a rabbi and have that thing taken care of: I'll
pay for it!"
Imagine
if she had told a Black dancer she would pay to have him bleached. Note
also the ultimate euphemism "taken care of" for precisely the reverse.
Kingdom of David: Saga of the Israelites
(PBS)
Episode: The Book and The Sword
First broadcast: 2003
Briefly mentions that Hellenised Jews underwent
cosmetic procedures to
hide their circumcision in order to complete in the games, in which
participants were nude.
A rare acknowledgement that circumcision can be
(partially) reversed.
Thanks to NORM-UK
Kathy
Griffin: My Life On The D-List
Comedy "reality" show
Kathy Griffin is taking her first trip to London
to promote her show, soon to be shown in the UK. She tells her
assistants Jessica, Tiffany, and Tom that most of the men in England
are uncircumcised. Jessica and Tiffany seem disgusted. Tom asks if it
is indeed true that most European men are uncircumcised. Kathy says
that while she is there, she wants to go on a date with an
uncircumcised man, apparently just to shock them.
Interviewing John
Malkovich about the film "Changling",
he asks (at 2'55") if Malkovitch "wears his cap to dinner" and
indicates that he does too.
February 14, 2012
In his opening monologue, he mentions going to the
doctor for his annual physical. After calling the check of his
prostate, "the finger test" he continues:
Before the finger test, this is true, this
actually happened today.....I'm not kidding, the doctor....before the
finger test, he checks out your junk to make sure everything..... you
know..... is where it should be. I'm European. You know what I'm
saying? Certain parts of my body are different from many Amercan born
men. Let's just say my captain wears his cap to dinner. So my
doctor....I mean he's seen this before but today he looks at it and
goes 'You know....I can fix that up for you.'
I'm like 'What do you mean?'
He said 'You know.....tidy it up.'
I'm like 'Leave it alone!'
Soliciting for unnecessary surgery is malpractice.
February 20, 2013
Anyway, it's still not clear how much the stolen
diamonds are worth.
Experts say it's hard to figure it out because most of the diamonds
were uncut. Now,
for some women, that's a real treat. (audience laughter) A lot of
people like uncut
jewels. (audience laughter) I'm not originally from here is what I'm
saying. So,
Craig, what you're saying is 'YES!'. So, my captain still wears his cap
to dinner."
March 8, 2013
Craig and guest Zach Braff are discussing the
high-school-set pilot episode they
made together in 1989, called "High".
Zach (holding up a
photo of a pantomine donkey costume): Do you remember the
plotline of this?
Craig: Yeah. It was something
about I was the teacher from another country and you
were kids. That's all I know.
Zach: No, the plotline of this
horse is so really bizarre. This wouldn't get on the
air now. And they tried to get it on the air then.
Craig: It didn't get on the air
then.
Zach: To tell it very quickly,
the quarterback, they had done his circumcision
wrong and so they had re-done it. And he couldn't get an erection cause
it would
tear his stitches that had just been done. But, they wanted him to go
in the donkey
costume with the hot, sexy cheerleader played by Gwyneth Paltrow.
Craig: I remember, yeah!
Zach: And then, he sees her
beautiful bottom and he freaks out because he can't
tear his stitches by getting an erection. That's for CBS Television.
Craig: Wow. Wow.
Zach: (Sarcastically)
I can't believe it didn't get picked up.
Craig: I, you know, God. (both
laugh, then continue the interview)
Not so difficult. They would do it without using
the words "circumcision", "penis" or "erection" but with lots of nudges
and winks. The scenario is not uncommon [sans donkey
costume or Gwyneth Paltrow], yet nobody questions that the skin should
be so tight post-circumcision that it is in danger of tearing.
Late Night with Conan O'Brian
WNBC August 6, 2003
A segment called "In The Year 2000".
Letterman talks about how popular the latest 'Star
Wars' movie is:
"... I saw a Rabbi out on XXXX Street with a
light saber performing a bris."
(audience laughs)
Messages: "Circumcision = Jewish" "Circumcision is
trivial/quick/painless" (think of Luke Skywalker losing his hand). In
fact, this image has an uncomforatable similarity to the emasculation of the late David
Reimer during his circumcision.
Shappi Khorsandi (Iranian-born
comedienne): My mother asked me if I was going to have my son
circumcised; so I said, "Well, not unless he's really
naughty."
In Britain, circumcision may be considered as
punishment, with castration as subtext.
Mad TV
US
Episode #1205 (Nov. 11, 2006)
In a series of Terry Gilliam-esque sketches, the
People magazine cover
photo of Madonna's newly adopted son, David Banda, aged 1, talks to the
audience
about how great it is to be adopted by the former pop star. In the last
sketch, he says it sucks having to be circumcised (just because
Madonna wants him to be), but he'll be rich.
Madonna adopted David from Malawi. She is a devotee
of Kaballah, a mystical adjunct to Judaism. Her wish to circumcise, and
his father's objection, have not been confirmed outside gossip columns.
Mama waarom ben ik besneden? Mum, why was I circumcised?
Netherlands, 2004
A Dutch documentary (with English subtitles)
covering most of the main issues. by Michael Schaap (shows several
circumcisions, not for the squeamish) Translated
summary.
Man and Wife
US
MTV sex and relationship advice show hosted by
DJ/rapper Fatman Scoop and wife Shonda
Scoop: Are there different
ways to deal with a penis that's
circumcised than uncircumcised?"
Shonda: Good ways. Nice, fun
ways.
(Scoop swats at her with his papers)
Female guest from audience:
I have to answer this. I'm sorry. From what I've heard '...
Shonda: Yeah, me too.
Guest: ... but there are pros
and cons to both and no one should feel bad about
having one or the other. It can work.
(Two people in the audience applaud)
Shonda: I have something to say
about uncircumcised men. From what I've heard that my friends said, as
long as they're clean...
(Groans and laughs from audience)
Shonda: ...that you can have
really great intimacies with people with
what I like to say 'a anteater' 'cause it has that kind of
look to it.
Scoop: Right.
Shonda: And you can just you
can pull back, you know what I mean, and have a lot
of fun as you would if it wasn't an anteater.
Bends over backward not to let cut men feel
inferior
Implies that an intact penis is inherently unclean
The old "anteater" insult (no mention that a
circumcised penis looks like a fireman's helmet, for example).
The old "make it look circumcised and then treat it
as if it is circumcised" advice.
No suggestion that intact men might be asked about
what they like.
The episode is dominated by the couple's
discussion of circumcision. Lopez states clearly
that he's intact and glad he is, and argues convincingly that the
foreskin
is functional and normal. He's willing to "die on the hill" for this
issue, which his girlfriend interprets as arrogance and stubbornness.
She's somewhat intrigued by the idea of circumcision and wants to
explore it
further.
Both families go on vacation together to a private
resort in Mexico.
There, Courtney's sister and brother-in-law encourage her to go behind
Mario's back and have the baby circumcised anyway.
Lopez boldly brings up the subject at the dinner
table one night, and
finds himself alone in his support of the foreskin - which nevertheless
does not waver one iota. Even his own sister, Marissa, argues for
circumcision and claims that her son felt no pain during the procedure.
Out of 7 males at the 15-person dinner, Lopez appears to be the only
intact one.
In the end, the couple decide they won't
circumcise a son, but Courtney is
NOT happy about it. She still contends that sex was awkward with Lopez
initially because of the "weirdness" of his foreskin, and she calls it
a
turtleneck. She worries out loud that her son will be teased for being
uncut (rather unlikely in California), that hygiene is better among
circumcised boys and men, and that his future wife will naturally
prefer
him to be circumcised.
Their final compromise is that if the child is a
boy, he remains
intact, but if a girl, Courtney can choose her name. (She is: Gia
Francesca.)
Mischief
BBC, UK
Circumcise Me? January December 5, 2006
http://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcthree/mischief/circumcise_me.shtml
Official synopsis: Mischief goes looking for the
answer to a question people have been asking for thousands of years -
is it better to be circumcised or not?
Most American men are circumcised, whereas Brits
prefer to keep their foreskin intact. So is it better to be circumcised
or not? Is it healthier? Sexier? Or are circumcised men and their
lovers missing out?
The programme takes a light-hearted approach: two
"uncircumcised" men
undertake research to find out whether they are missing anything . It starts with the common view that being
circumcised is the preferable state (interviewing many young Americans,
on Castro St, San Francisco, Venice Beach and Los Vegas, almost all of
who said circumcised penises were better, some telling the interviewers
to get circumcised, none giving any indication of having any idea what
a foreskin is or does) but gradually weans viewers onto the opposing
view.
Those interviewed include The Times medical
columnist Dr Thomas Stuttaford (cut), Kristen
O'Hara, Ron Low, Michael Wilks and Edgar
Schoen. The interview with the O'Haras made fun of their
mechanical analogies, and focused on the one who wasn't speaking. (Two
people from
NORM-UK were interviewed but were left on the cutting room floor.)
Three young "doctors" (medical students?) were
interviewed and recited without hesitation that
the medical reasons for circumcision were phimosis, paraphimosis and
recurrent balanitis.
"Cut" or "uncut" appears under the names of all
those who spoke, illustrating that it is the victims who wish to
inflict it on others. To ensure the point is not missed, Christopher
Sykes concludes the programme by saying that in his view the baby
should be left intact, but then, he is uncut.
Dr Michael Wilks (BMA Head of Ethics, uncut)
describes American "routine" circumcision as "a profoundly
unethical practice."
Guest Darla [Harper] told Williams how Dennis
Momah, a GP, pretended to be his twin brother Charles, her Ob/Gyn, and sexually
harassed her during examinations before the birth of her son.
She agreed to let him circumcise the baby at his
clinic to "avoid any financial obligation". He said he "would be more
than willing to do it and that it would be better for everybody."
He took the baby away and didn't return until 45
minutes later, sweating profusely and acting nervous: "We had a
problem. ... Sometimes during a circumcision, it's very common that you
cut too deep and you cut an artery.... but it's OK because I just
cauterized it back together."
When she got home she discovered the baby's diaper
filled with blood and his penis "dark in color because the
cauterization had burned the flesh." Not only that but the doctor "had
dropped the instrument, so [the baby] was burned down his stomach,
across his penis and his testicles." The 'doctor' had assured her that
"it was very common, don't worry about it, everything is fine."
When Darla or her mother appeared on screen, she
was captioned "Her baby
(or her grandson) was scarred while being circumcised" [They all
are.]
The brothers are being sued by both her and her
son, and by numerous other women.
BBC3 2007. Self-made documentary by Lawrence
Barraclough, a sequel to My Penis and I (below), exploring
men's ambivalent feelings towards their penises, especially their
anxiety about size
Jared is undergoing penis enlargement surgery.
Lawrence: To add girth, the
doctors will remove sections of fat from Jared's bum - and then after
peeling back his foreskin, sew them inside his penis. [Jared is plainly circumcised.]
Lawrence goes to Dr Emma Stafford, senior lecturer
at Leeds University, to discuss classical attitudes towards penis size,
and shows her (with much mirth) the plaster cast of his (circumcised)
penis:
Dr Emma Stafford: I think
they'd say you were the ideal man,
really.
Over the Internet, Lawrence organises an
exhibition of self-taken penis pictures, "Snap Your Chap".
Exhibition guest: Well I dunno
'cause I'm not circumcised, but I sort of can't imagine how you wank
without a foreskin.
Lawrence (from behind,
unclear): ... there's a sensitive area, and once you've got
that ... (gestures with two fingers)
Guest: You kind of like - press
and rub?
The only mention of circumcision in the entire
show, despite the source of Lawrence's anxiety (next).
My Penis and I
UK
Self-made documentary by Lawrence Barraclough
about his anxiety about the size of his penis. He interviews his
girlfriend, his mother, doctors, psychologists, porn stars, a Rugby
team making a nude calendar, the "Puppetry of the Penis" performers,
Cyntha Plaster Caster and the Small Penis Support Group. The last two
give him some comfort...
Almost in passing, he mentions that his anxiety
began after he was circumcised at the age of ten for
"phimosis
- what this means is that the foreskin becomes unusually tight - so
much so that it can't be drawn back from the head of the penis. It [drawing it back]
causes incredible pain [...so
don't do it]. Most doctors use circumcision as a
form of treatment, although it has been treated with steroids and
stretching ... I was circumcisised at the age of 10, just before going
to high school.
...
To mother: So I had the
circumcision and after that I became more aware of the size. What did
you feel about it being done at such a late period?
Mother: I thought psychologically it
might affect you, yes. I didn't
think it would affect you as much as it did. You really did go off your
head, you know.
Lawrence: Do you think it's still
affecting me?
Mother (missing the point):
Like I say, I don't think there's any need for people to worry about
what size they are. It's what they do with it that's important. Lawrence: People don't like to talk
about it.
Mother: Well they should
talk about it, shouldn't they. And you should have talked about it to
me before now, not let it be so long ...
Lawrence (over her):
And how you feel about the fact that I still have this problem...?
Mother: Well, you shouldn't have this
problem. You've got a good relationship and that's up to you. What
you've got between your legs it's ... it's in your head that
relationships come from and you should be able to put the two together.
...
Lawrence (voice over):
I decided to go and see Dr David Ralph about having my penis surgically
enlarged.
Doctor: Now, tell me what the problem
is.
Lawrence: I was circumcised at a late
age an ever since then - I'm not sure if it's an actual physical
problem - about the size of my penis.
(After being examined)
Lawrence: I'm not tempted by
surgery. The idea of going back under anaesthetic and under a surgeons'
knife for the sake of my penis at the moment is not an option. It was
surgery that caused the problem in the first place, and I doubt if
surgery is going to solve that problem.
"Reality" show in which "lovable losers" compete
to learn the art of seduction from "Mystery" (Erik von Markovik)
Pradeep talks too much:
Pradeep: ... I keep talking and
talking and talking, and I don't know when to stop. The entire world
doesn't need to know that, y'know, I ____ my pants, and that I'm
uncircumcised.
Clearly he perceives being intact as not just too
much information, but a social gaffe like ____ing his pants.
Politically Incorrect
A talk show encouraging conflict.
Broadcast February 1, 2002
Host Bill Maher: All right.
Now, you were saying, Jack, that we should boycott things we don't
believe in. What about diamonds? I have mentioned this on the show many
times before, and I've never had a woman agree with me. Because women
love diamonds, and they hate to hear the fact that diamonds have a lot
of blood on them. I'm sorry, but not only do the terrorists funnel a
lot of their money to the diamond trade, because it can't be traced,
but even before that, many areas in Africa are controlled by rebel
groups. They wanna control the areas with the diamond mines, so they
terrorize the population. They cut off children's arms. And I said to a
woman -- the nicest person in the world, I said to her, "Do you know
that they cut off children's arms to get diamonds?" And she said, "Both
arms?" (Audience "oh"s)
Katherine LaNasa: I think we should
boycott 'em. I think at the same time maybe we should, you know, stop
circumcising our male children. I mean, we're not nomadic Jews. I mean,
that's ritual. That's custom. Bill: That's health. Katherine: Oh, really? You needed to be
circumcised to be clean these days? We're not traveling in the desert
no longer. Cristina Saralequi: How do you know he's
circumcised? (Laughter) Katherine: I didn't say I did. Cristina: I'm really interested. (Laughter) Katherine: I didn't say I did. Bill: That's a very astute point.
[Not really.
Intact men don't defend circumcision as "health".] Katherine: But what I'm saying is that,
you know, that's a ritual. That's ritual. That's custom. There is no
need for it anymore. There is no need for a male to be circumcised in
this country. Christopher Titus: But there is a need
for diamonds.
(Talking over each other) Cristina: This whole thing is ritual arm
cutting off. Hold on. Katherine: What I'm saying is, we don't
have to --
4% to 5% of diamonds are, you know, supposedly these bloody diamonds
which lead to the point of massacre of children. But here, we massacre
our male children every day because of ritual. Bill: Massacre? You can't really compare
losing your limbs to -- Katherine: Why do you do it, though?
There's no point. Bill: Well, first of all, I was 6 days
old when they did it. I didn't have a big say. [Exactly!]
Second of all -- Katherine: Here we are looking at Africa
[and saying "]Look at how bad their policy is. Look at all that,["] and
here we are right now, every day. Bill: I don't believe you compare
cutting off people's arms with circumcision!
[Not as
equivalent, but she is comparing a distant, fairly rare atrocity, with
a nearby frequent one.] Katherine: You know, welcome to the
world! Let's take part of your [bleep] off! I don't
get it. ( Audience ohs ) Christopher: Hey, hey, you don't have to
say it like that. [Circumcision
would be different if she said it some other way?] Katherine: And for no other reason but
ritual, which is exactly what engagement rings are. It's no different.[Certainly an ingenious way to
bring these topics back together!] Jack Burkaman: It couldn't be more
different. The way you started out with this -- Bill: You're a bright girl [patronising],
but that's really -- Katherine: What is so far out about
that? Bill: You're comparing cutting off
children's arms to cutting off the end of a penis of a little baby for
-- Christopher: Snipping.
Not cutting, snipping. Bill: Snipping.
Katherine: For what? For
ritual? Bill: It's not really just ritual. It's
because --I don't wanna get too graphic here, but there is some sort of
a Schmegma-like
substance --
(Talking over each other. The topic of circumcision does not re-emerge)
A fairly typical exchange of loud and hasty
ignorance.
QI
A BBC comedy quiz show with very difficult
questions but awarding points for answers that are "Quite Interesting".
The theme of each episode is a word beginning with the the letter
assigned consecutively to each series.
Series B, episode 4, "Bble" first broadcast October 22, 2004
Steven Fry: If you've had a
little snip here [hinting at the crotch], what are you?
Alan Davies: You're... uh...
impotent!—
Steven Fry: You're Jewish!
Remarkably wrong for Fry: Circumcision is not "a
little snip". Vasectomy is, and if Davies meant "infertile" he would be
correct. If circumcised, you could be Muslim, American, South Korean,
Filipino, tribal African, Melanesian, Eastern Polynesian or outback
indigenous Australian.
National Geographic channel, first broadcast
December 24, 2013
Travel writer David Farley travels to the Italian
town of Calcata to look into the mysterious disappearance of a holy
relic from the town in 1983 - the foreskin believed to have belonged to
Jesus Christ [actually,
something believed to be the foreskin that belonged to Jesus Christ -
there's very little likelihood that it was someone else's foreskin.]
The Real Housewives of Atlanta
"Reality" series following the lives of relatively
affluent, bourgeois housewives and professional women in the suburbs of
Atlanta, as a counter to the soap opera Desparate Housewives.
Phaedra Parks is preparing to give birth. A friend
helps her pack for the big day.
LaToya: Have you guys decided
to circumcise him? Phaedra: Yeah... that, yeah, yeah. LaToya: That's another thing, you know.
You have to have ointment for that. Phaedra: Wait, so I need to buy
circumcision ointment?
LaToya: Well, well, they'll give you
something. You know, I can't remember if they put just Vaseline back in
the day.
Phaedra: Put a big question mark, T, and
let's put, uh, penis ointment.
Indicating how little advice parents are given
before deciding to circumcise, and perhaps how little thought they give
the decision.
Whether or not you decide to have a circumcision
performed on your son is a very personal decision. But if you're a Real
Housewife, then it ain't personal…it's on TV for all to know about.
On the most recent Real Housewives of Atlanta, Kim
Zolick and (now) husband Kroy Biermann openly discussed the plans for
circumcision of their (soon-to-be-born) baby boy.
What did Kim say?
Kim was very "worried about the penis" and got
instruction from a baby specialist on what she needed to know in
regards to diaper changing and the circumcision process. Kim asked
"Does it hurt them?" Kroy said that grown men who have it done as
babies, "don't remember it."
Many parents who have their boys circumcised do so
for religious reasons or due to just a family tradition but Kim's
reasoning? She said, "I don't want him growing up with his pee-pee
wearing a turtleneck."
Kim also addressed the issue on Twitter saying,
"Circumcision is a choice I preferred to have KJ circumcised! Its all
in ur beliefs and what u prefer!"
Kim Zolciak Calls Cynthia Bailey and Peter Thomas
Classless, Is Happy She Didn’t Attend Kandi Burruss’ Birthday Party
By Samantha Leffler
... For those of you wondering whether little KJ
was, in fact, circumcised, Kim revealed, “We did not want our son to
have to go through life with his penis looking like a pig in a blanket.
So snip, snip, snip ...
I'm sure KJ and his future wife will
thank us later. You're welcome, son!”
Next, we get Kim and Kroy meeting with a baby
consultant or something like that. Kim is nervous about having a boy,
because she doesn’t “know what to do with a penis.” I doubt that very
much. This scene goes on interminably with lots more talk about penises
and wiping and diapering, in addition to a discussion on the
time-honored sacred ritual of hacking
off little baby’s delicate foreskin, now just mostly out of habit.
Kim doesn’t want all that stupid, useless extra skin, which she calls a
“turtleneck,” on her child’s nether regions. Poor
kid is already deemed physically defective by default, and he’s not
even born yet! Then again, he does have a smokin’ hot,
A-list mom to keep up with, and we wouldn’t want him compromising her
stylin’ image.
Real Time with Bill Maher
US
Broadcast November 8, 2008
Discussing the passing of Proposition 8 in California that outlawed gay
marriage, comedian Howie Mandel suggests outlawing circumcision
instead.
It seems clear he really does resent having been
circumcised.
Rich Girls
US
Broadcast November 18, 2003
An unscripted show in which an MTV camera crew follows around 18-year
old Ally Hilfiger, daughter of fashion designer Tommy Hilfiger, and her
best friend Jaime Gleicher.
Ally is making herself up when when her
ex-boyfriend, Charlie O walks into her huge bathroom/closet. She offers
him a tube of lotion.
Ally: Want some penis skin?
Charlie O. (puzzled):
Hmm?
Ally (grinning): Want some
penis skin? My Dad and Lizzie and my Mother use this. It's the foreskin
of a baby's penis. And they put it on their face. Isn't that
disgusting! I'm gonna do it. Wanna watch?
Charlie O (laughing
and scratching his head): Whadda they do? Do, like, crazy
people sit at the hospital, like, collecting all the circumcised
babies' foreskins?
Time lag. Ally is applying some of the
cream to Charlie O.'s face.
Ally: There. Just rub it in.
Charlie O: Rub it in where?
Ally: Just go like this around
your eyes. Like this. Pat. Got it.
Charlie O: Yeah, um, I don't I
think I was made for this stuff.
Ally seems to be disgusted (at first) only that
people put something made from foreskins on their faces. The idea that
pillaging part of babies' genitals is in itself disgusting does not
seem to occur to her.
RuPaul's
Drag Race
Contest between drag performers.
Courtney Act (Australian) and Tatianna are talking
backstage:
Courtney: Latin
men generally are not circumcised.
Tatianna: And you like
foreskin.
Courtney: Yeah, I like a penis
that
has not been mutilated.
Tatianna: Yeah, well I was
going to
say that I like a penis, period.
Courtney: Yeah.
Tatianna: I don't care how you
give it to me,
circumcised or uncircumcised.
Courtney: I've never met a dick
I
didn't like.
Tatianna: Thank you. There we
go.
Like the SNL
sketch below, women are at
pains/pressured to wind back any preference for intact penises. Such
restraint is never shown when women prefer cut
ones.
Saturday Night Live
(NBC) December 18, 2005, host Jack Black
Darlene Love, song parody: "Christmastime for
the Jews" about 'what Jews do on Christmas'. includes the line
"circumcising grateful squirrels in the city park"
(graphic: New York city skyline,
Star of David, knife, "Circumcisions Questioned")
Tina: New York City
officials said Tuesday that they had identified two
new cases in which infants
were infected with herpes during a circumcision ritual in
which the practitioner, or mohel, sucks the blood
from the the circumcision to clean the wound. Added the officials, "Now
if you excuse us, we're going to barf forever."
implies only Jews circumcise, but
quite remarkably seems to condemn not just metzitzah (and
more boldly than even Mayor Bloomberg dared) but circumcision as a
whole,
In a parody of a presidential candidates' debate
between "John McCain" and
"Barack Obama", the moderator "Bob Scheiffer" (Chris Parnell) asks
about
the words used in each candidate's campaign attack ads.
"Gentlemen, over the last few weeks, the tone of
this campaign has become increasingly nasty. Senator Obama, in
describing your opponent, your campaign has used words like 'erratic,'
'out of touch,' 'lying,' 'losing his bearings,' 'senile,' 'dementia,'
'nursing home,' 'decrepit,' and 'at death's door.' Senator McCain, your
ads have featured terms (describing Obama) such as 'disrespectful',
'dangerous', 'foreign', 'sleeper agent', and
'uncircumcised'." Are you both comfortable with this level of
discourse?"
It is a backhanded compliment to common sense that
"uncircumcised" is used to climax a list of absurd insults.
Original airdate February 14, 2009
Three businessmen (Alec Baldwin, Will Forte, and
Bill Hader) are
discussing when they should hold their next meeting.
Will Forte: "Okay, oh, how
about Thursday?"
Alec Baldwin: "Uh, can't do
Thursday. I'm going to a bris. I'm kinda
nervous. I hope it doesn't hurt as much as my first one."
A step forward to say outright that circumcision,
even Brit Milah, hurts.
Original airdate, February 2, 2018
Four women are drinking at a bar. One, Bunny, is unknown to the others,
who are complaining about men's inappropriate behaviour:
Bunny: "...I hear that. And why
are they all circumcised? The men nowadays, they're
allll circumcised, ya know. I mean, it
used to be a crapshoot, ya know, and now [it] seems like everybody's
cut, and believe me, I ain't complaining. I'll take a short-sleeve just
as quick as a turtleneck".
At first she does seem to be
complaining. Was her script edited to remove that impression? The
result is somewhat, um, pointless.
The Soup
2009
Current affairs comedy. July 17th, 2009
Host Joel McHale shows a clip of "The View" in
which Barbara Walters describes her reactions to close-up shots of
penises and graphic depictions of
anal and oral sex in the film Brüno.
Mc Hale: Barbara went on to say
in her day, the penises were kept in men's trousers and weren't
circumcised. Then she gave the talkie only one out of five lit candles,
ate her creamed corn, and beat Joy ("View" co-host Joy Behar)
senseless with a cane made out of her original hip.
The intention is apparently to present intactness
as "old-fashioned". But in fact Barbara Walters has gratuituously
promoted (male) circumcision and would not be nostaligic for intactness.
At no point could they ever hope to get a
question right. All the questions were just set-ups for gags, and the
awarding of points was entirely at my discretion. This way I could
ensure that the best-value punters made it through to the end. For
example:
Question: Which L is the most important ingredient
ins .a
marriage?
Answer: Lager.
Question: True or false: all condoms are
individually
numbered.
Answer: True. You've obviously never unrolled one far
enough.
Question: Complete the quotation - 'Is that a
pistol in
your pocket...?'
Answer: Or is your penis engorged with blood?
Question: Complete the quotation - 'Cupid, draw
back
your...?'
Answer: Foreskin.
His
British audience would take having one for granted.
Sylvania Waters
Australia, 1996
An early "reality" show in which cameras track a
dysfunctional family day and night, and broadcast edited highlights.
The Age (Melbourne)
PAMELA BONE reports.
ONE had to feel sorry for baby Kane,
with a blood-stained bandage sticking to his poor little penis in an
episode of the ABC's recent documentary-soap, ‘Sylvania Waters'.
However, as Paul, his father,
lovingly explained to the baby,
"It has to be done because when Daddy was a
little boy and he went to the toilet with the other kids, the ones that
weren't circumcised were laughed at. They weren't normal because they
weren't circumcised."
Even so, Paul said, he had to cry himself when he saw the tears running
down the baby's face after the cut. But was little Kane's pain
necessary? Because, contrary to what Paul believes, by the time Kane
goes to school he is more likely to be different because he is
circumcised. A generation ago parents who didn't want their baby boy
circumcised had to take a firm stand. Today it is parents who do want
their child circumcised who have to take a stand
- The Age (Melbourne), 2
December 1996, p. 6 Full
text
The Tonight Show
(1965) Ed Ames (who guest starred as "Mingo" on
the Daniel Boone TV series with Fess Parker) was
throwing a tomahawk at a life-sized outline of a man, drawn on a wooden
target. It landed in the crotch area of the outline, to the guest's
embarrassment.
Johnny Carson: "I didn't know
you were Jewish."
(much laughter)
Yet
again "Circumcision = Jewish"
Tosh.0
Season 6, Episode 4 - Ben's Video Resume
Tosh: Circumcised?" Ben: I'm not answering that... (looks
ashamed/embarrassed) Tosh (points at him and smiles): You're
not! Up top. (gives him a high five) Alright,
just for the record, we're changing questions: I always wished
that I wasn't circumcised. (brief audience laughter)
Season 6, episode 12 - Web Redemption,
aired May 6, 2014
On gun ownership in the US: "It's like having an
uncircumcised penis, I know a lot of people have one, but it still
makes me uncomfortable to hold one."
And
by implication, so should it make everyone, because "The foreskin is
disgusting." But it is a foot in the door that he knows a lot of people
have one.
Tribe
UK
BBC2 reality show in which Bruce Parry lives
with various tribal peoples as one of them. Series 1, Komabai. Execuive
Producer: Sam Organ
Parry undergoes
a penis inversion ritual (NSFW) among the Kombai tribe of
Papua New Guinea in which "They rolled my foreskin..." (1:30).
A talk show with a very camp host. He gets the
audience to tell embarassing stories about themselves, phones people
with strange fetish websites, and interviews celebrities. Quick double
entendres are his specialty.
When he interviewed Texas girl group the Dixie
Chicks, they referred to "aardvarks", adding that nearly all men in the
UK had an aardvark, whereas nearly all men in the USA had not. When
Graham looked puzzled one of the girls grinned impishly and, in
explanation, imitated a pair of scissors with her fingers. "Snip,
snip," she giggled saucily. Even Graham seemed to be caught off balance.
English singer Alan Cumming told Graham in 2002
that when singing in New York, he discovered that his make-up artist
had never seen an intact penis, so he showed her his. Her reaction
seems to have been of disappointment - she had expected that it would
look more like a pedal bin.
Graham rang a German called Eric whose website
features his skiing fetish. He liked putting snow under his Vorhaut,
and Graham pretended he thought Vorhaut meant
"forehead", guest Ivana Trump refused to tell him, so the audience did.
The US secular custom is not well-known overseas.
Whose Line Is It, Anyway?
(US version)
[A theatresports improvisation gameshow]
The set topic is "Questions not to ask after heavy
drinking":
Greg Proops: (with hands
shaking) Now, hvere's this boy I'm gonna circumcise?
"The world's worst priest or rabbi":
Colin Mockery: Gimme the
baby, I've had a liddle dring' (swings widely) [Whoops!]
Drew Carey (as Jerry Lewis):
Hand me the knife, hand me the baby ...
Reminiscent of the corresponding scene in Seinfeld, these invite us to
laugh at a real problem,
and (by using a Yiddish accent) reinforces the myth that all
circumcision is Jewish. (Of course, it's harder to suggest a doctor
with voice alone, but a confident, bossy, formal tone and an expression
like "Now then,..." would do it. And unlike scripted programming, they
have no time to reflect on the prejudices they are reflecting.)
Contestants are improvising with a prop
resembling a large foam two-legged stool. A contestand puts it on his
head (so the legs resemble Orthodox ringlets) and asks:
Who's up for circumcision?
Another contestant raises his hand.
Again the identification of circumcision as
exclusively Jewish (and as a fit subject for comedy).
On the other hand: Charles "Chip" Esten is a bartender, Ryan
Styles a customer with a broken zipper, who improvises a song
about tucking "it" in his sock.
Chip: ...don't get angry,
don't be too surprised.
It could be worse, you could be - circumcised.
World's Dumbest
Inventions
A comedy novelty show featuring new inventions.
The hosts mock them all.
One of the devices, called the "Krustbuster",
clamps around a sandwich, cutting the crusts off. One of the
commentators quipped, "Krustbuster sounds like something for a guy who
isn't circumcised!"
Whatever he meant by this - whether as a device to
circumcise, or to remove "crusts" - it underlines that no insult is too
brutal to be used on US TV against intact men.
. It starts with the common view that being
circumcised is the preferable state (interviewing many young Americans,
on Castro St, San Francisco, Venice Beach and Los Vegas, almost all of
who said circumcised penises were better, some telling the interviewers
to get circumcised, none giving any indication of having any idea what
a foreskin is or does) but gradually weans viewers onto the opposing
view.
