Nanny Fran is trying to encourage 13-year-old
Brighton's interest in video-making and hires him to tape her cousin's
bris. (That is, the party. One summary of this episode refers to her
"throwing a bris".)
Typical gag: in his ignorance, he films the
brisket. He is told "that's the mohel who did you." The baby is circumcised.
Brighton passes out at the crucial moment...
...missing it but creating a "humorous" tape,
which wins the family a trip to LA.
This show says perhaps the least of any about what
is actually happening, because "everybody knows" circumcision itself is
Christmas Episode (1993)
Niles is complaining to Fran about Christmas, and
Fran says how easy Jewish holidays are.
Niles: Is it too late to
convert? Fran: Never! We'll get you a Bar Mitzvah
and of course a circumcision. Niles: Suddenly I'm filled with the
Assuming that only Jews are circumcised, and
acknowledging that adult circumcision is painful.
Episode 4.17: "Samson, He Denied Her" (First
broadcast February 19, 1997)
Vincenzo (Luigi Amodeo) is in court accusing his
housekeeper of cutting off his hair, but onlookers think he is talking
about his penis. Fran is in the jury.
about a young woman sharing an apartment with three men.
Schmidt, a flashy businessman and male stripper
(Max Greenfield) thinks he is a gift to women.
Schmidt: Nick! I came up with
the best name for an uncircumcised penis. Bishop in a turtleneck!
Perhaps we are to laugh at him, not with him: one commentator calls this "a
contribution to the douchebag jar".
Schmidt finishes his shower and realizes his bath
towel is missing from the hook. To get to his bedroom he must cross the
living room with just a hand towel in front of his crotch. Jess (Zooey
Deschanel) is seated in his path, knitting with 2 friends. Walking
backward for modesty, Schmidt stumbles and falls, dropping the hand
towel. He stands with his hands over his crotch as the women joke:
Sadie: See? He's a natural
CeCe: "What shape is that
supposed to be shaved into?
Jess: Think he's trying to
(Schmidt raises his hands, standing defiantly stark naked.) Jess: You are Jewish!
Yet again the fallacy that "Only Jews are
circumcised." Are they entered in a lamest joke competition?
Action comedy, Series 03 Episode 09 "Double Date
Danger" first broadcast February 11, 2017 Henry Hart aka Kid Danger (Jace Norman):
(amputating a finger) I'm not a
rabbi, but mazel tov!
at least indicates the seriousness of genital cutting.
Night and Day
(ITV, UK) Soap opera, initially broadcast both day
and (with additional material) night.
(final episode) One of the
principal young men, Sam Armstrong (Stuart Manning), has his towel
pulled off him
when he is leaving the shower and he is photographed. The photograph is
given to his Jewish girlfriend. To keep her, he agrees to be
He is next seen lying on an operating table under
a Star of David. The mohel comments: "We don't see many your age in
Four years later, he is wearing a full beard and
the dress of an
More literally than usual, it is circumcision that
has made a man Jewish.
Thanks to NORM-UK
(or "Nip-Tuck" or "NipTuck") FX Channel, July 22,
2003 didn't wait for its circumcision sequence. It began in episode 1.
Glamourous, caddish cosmetic surgeon Dr
Christian Troy (Julian
McMahon) and Matt McNamara (John Hensley III), son of Troy's
ethical, impassive homely partner Dr Sean McNamara (Dylan Walsh) are
about to go sailing in Troy's cruiser, the Boatox.
Christian: God, it is beautiful
out here, huh?
Hensley III (Matt McNamara)
Matt: Oh yeah, it's perfect
weather for skipping school.
Christian: I want you back by
third period, Matty. We agreed. Here. I wrote you a doctor's excuse.
Matt: Thanks. Hey listen. and
thanks for the medical consultation stuff. Um, when can we schedule an
Christian: Whoa, Whoa Whoa.
Slow down. Like it or not we have to talk to your dad about this.
You're under 18. He has to sign the consent form.
Matt: Yeah....he'll never go
for it. He's such an asshole.
Hey! Don't you call your father that. You don't know how lucky you got
it. Besides your dad is not an asshole.
Robots can't be assholes. (They laugh)
Later. Sean and Christian are scrubbing up
Sean: See, my wife's
Christian: Well you're not. A
lot goes on in your family you don't know much about. If my son was
getting brutally razzed at school, I'd have picked up on his changed
Matt's having trouble at school and he told you this?
Christian: He's torn up. I
guess he was showering at gym and shit and some tough guys were
laughing at him and calling him "Anteater".
Christian: Basically, he's
self-concious about his dick and he wants a circumcision.
Sean: He doesn't need a
circumcision. That's a vanity operation.
Christian: We're in the vanity
business, Sean, it's what we do. Appearance is everything to a kid.
It's how you fit in. Snip, Snip. He feels
better about himself. And you, sir, can make that happen. How cool is
Sean: I'm not doing anything to
my son's penis or my wife's breasts. [She asked him]
I don't want my family infected by what we do here.
Christian: And what is it that
we do here, Sean, other than make people feel better about themselves?
Sean: What we do here is let
people externalize the hate they feel about themselves. Which is why I
want to hire a fulltime psychologist to screen people better.
Great, and let's do yoga in the lobby.
Sean: Since Botox went wide
it's been like a factory in here. There's no discernment, no caution.
Christian: This is a business,
Sean, a very good business that is on the verge of setting us up for
Sean: Well, maybe I don't want
to be in this business anymore.
Later. The waiting room. Julia McNamara
(Joely Richardson) is reading a magazine. Enter Christian
Christian: To what do we owe
Julia: Hey, oh, um, Sean's
having a professional sitdown with Matt to talk to him about the......
Christian: So, I Heard. Tough
Julia: Seems Dr. Spock didn't
write a chapter about, um.... [He
did. He changed his mind.]
Hey, Thanks for talking to him last week.
Everyone needs someone in their life who who'll listen, right?
Sean: (to Matt) Tell me what
you like about yourself?
Matt: Look, Dad, I'm grateful
that you're treating me like an adult. But if we have to do this, can
we skip the psycho mind-probe stuff?
Sean: Our mother and I have
thought a lot about this topic. We didn't give you a circumcision
because you were six weeks premature. Your little fighting body didn't
need the stress of an operation.
Matt (shrugs): I could have
well as failing to address Matt's concerns, this conversation is full
of non-sequiturs. As usual, the real reasons for leaving babies'
penises alone - such as human rights
and pleasure - are not
Sean: Matt, why did you go to
Christian with your concerns instead of me?
Matt: Because he's cooler than
you and he listens to me. I don't get that Father-knows-best bullshit
from him. He treats me like a man.
Sean (nods): Matt, I'm going to
make an appointment
with a psychologist. I apologize we don't have one on the staff here.
Matt: Whoa! What? Why?
Sean: You've never bowed to
peer pressure before. I think something's going on.
Look, I just want it, OK? I don't want
guys talking trash about me and I know women don't like it
not cut. It's the smell or something....even though I keep it clean, so
feel free to skip the hygiene lecture.
Sean: Matt, are you having sex
Matt: Not with girls, Dad. With
Vanessa. Maybe you've over-heard me talking to Mom about her. You know
she's beautiful, she's a varsity
cheerleader. She can have any guy she wants. And she chose me.
Sean: So you have had sex?
Matt: It's getting there and I
know she'll see it and hurl.
Sean: Matt, if this girl
genuinely cares about you, she's not going to care about something
trivial as extra skin. [Not
extra. Standard equipment.]
Matt: Trivial?! This is my
life! This is not trivial. Look, for once.......just give me something
that I need.
July 29, 2003
Matt is sitting at the kitchen table
doing homework. Enter Sean.
Sean (throwing a
condom on the kitchen table.): Heads up.
Matt(picking it up,
shocked but smiling): What's this?
Sean : It's a prophylactic,
Matt: Well, yeah. I know what
it is, Dad. Why did you give it to me?
Sean: You're worried about your
girl's reaction to your foreskin on the first time, right? Well, you
responsibly slip this on when that time
comes... she won't even know. Once you get your sea legs, you can be
confident enough to initiate a conversation about what a foreskin is
and how it really won't affect her pleasure. [No
suggestion that it might actually give her more pleasure.]
Matt looks angry, frustrated and/or
Later. We see the lower halves of a man
undressing a woman. Track up to reveal Matt and his girlfriend,
Vanessa, kissing passionately. Cut to them in bed together.
Matt: Mmm? Mmm?
Vanessa: I want to try it.
Matt: Oh... OK.
He gets out of bed
Vanessa: Where are you going?
Matt: Oh... uh... I was gonna
get a condom.
Vanessa: I want to see it
nervously ) OK... Yeah... sure.
He rolls on to his back looking
uncomfortable. Vanessa moves out of shot to inspect him at length. When
she surfaces he begins to kiss her but she doesn't respond.
Vanessa: It looks like a
Shar-Pei. Are you part-Arab or something? [Virtually
all Arab men, being Muslim, are circumcised. This presumably reveals
the scriptwriters' ignorance rather than Vanessa's. It's been suggested
she's referring to Arab horses ...]
a Shar-Pei and (right, to the same scale) a foreskin.
The same comparison is used in Sex and the City
Matt: Uh....no. (pause)
Matt: Does it turn you off that
that I'm not - circumcised?
Vanessa (Avoiding eye
contact.): No, not at all. (pause) Maybe
we should just make out today. (She starts to kiss him on the
mouth but Matt he does not respond.)
(Later . Matt and Christian are in a
Matt: Why won't you give me the
circumcision? He doesn't even have to know.
Christian: Carving up your dick
is a little more telltale than buying you a 6-pack on the sly, Matty.
(A waitress approaches)
Matt: Uh... Hi....I'll have a
Dewar's straight up.
Christian: (Chuckles. )
He'll have a Coke. (He ogles the waitress) I'll have
the Dewar's, sweetheart. Thank you
Christian: Besides, I'm of the
opinion your father's right about this one. You don't need a
Matt: Oh, fine. If you guys
won't help me, I'll go to another surgeon.
Christian: Who'll operate
without a signed parent consent form. Good luck. The problem isn't your
dick, Matty. It's your confidence. You were timid and embarrassed. She
saw that and that's what turned her off.
(Waitress returns with their drinks.)
Matt: Thanks. Um......why are
Because we are gonna work on the confidence part. Yeah!
You're kidding me, right?
contraire, my little virginator. I've arranged for you to
just get it out of the way. A little bang under your belt, I firmly
believe you'll be able to bicycle over to Vanessa's place, grab that
peachy ass and show her how it's done - with no fear.
Christian (facing Matt):
Girls don't care if you have a 2 inch pecker, a hairy ass, or balls the
size of cranberries. What they care about is that you know what you're
Matt (chuckling and
sighing): So which girl?
over his shoulder at a woman who is waving and smiling at Matt.):
Behind me. On the stairs . Her name is Avanti. Rumor has it she can
suck the peel off an apple.
Matt: I feel entirely creep
about paying someone to pretend they like me. No... Hey.... besides,
man, I'm not gonna cheat on Vanessa . I love her. Haven't you ever had
(Avanti walks over)
Avanti (to Matt):
Um....yeah......Thank you (to Christian)
but...um..no (to Avanti) no thank you.
Christian: Fair enough.(Sigh)
Mmm, now if you'll excuse me. I'm gonna go upstairs and pay someone to
pretend they like me.
(He takes Avanti by the hand and leads
her upstairs, leaving Matt sitting alone)
(Later. Matt is sitting at a computer in
in his bedroom. He types in "circumcision". ... He adds the words "how
to" and hits "Search")
(Later. Matt and his mother Julia are in
Matt: Hey, Mom. Do you have any
Julia: Why do you need those?
Matt (holding up his
hand): Why do you think? I have a hang nail.
Julia: Upstairs bathroom. Third
drawer on the right.
(Later. Matt back at the computer)
Voice: "Hey, how's it going?
You've logged onto Joey's
Self-Circumcision Web Page. A guide for guys like me who have a
foreskin problem and are too embarrassed to have the doctor do the
duty. First things first, guys. Relax. A shaking hand means you could
slip. I took a mild muscle relaxant."
(Matt pours himself a glass of wine)
Voice: "Other guys I know fared
well on a glass of red wine. Be smooth and confident."
(Matt takes a big swallow. Later: he is
pouring himself another glass, drinking it all, then another. He drinks
from the bottle, finishing it. Matt reads and sharpens the cuticle
Voice: "Your surgical tools
have to be sharpened to razor-sharpness. When you do, the cuts are
virtually painless and bleed very little. I didn't use ice or anything.
There was no need."
(Cut to Matt staring at a picture of
Vanessa. He begins to take off his shirt, then unzips his jeans, pulls
them down a little and then pulls down his boxers a little. He reaches
for the cuticle scissors.)
Voice: "For the first cut, grip
the foreskin and pull it out. Cut in a circular motion, removing a thin
quarter inch strip."
Matt looks shakily downward. We hear a
single clipping sound. Matt flinches and closes his eyes. Slowly he
raises his hand and his fingers are covered in blood. He slowly passes
out hits the floor as the screen fades to
Broadcast August 5, 2003
Next morning. Julia is pacing around
outside closed double doors.
Julia: What's going on, Matt?
Are you OK?
Matt (on the other
side, in the bathroom): Look, I'm gonna be fine, Mom. (to
Sean, who is seated on the closed toilet lid) Right? I'm
gonna be fine?
Sean: Take the ice pack off.
Let me see.
Sean: Matt, I changed your
diaper hundreds of times. I've seen it. Come on.
After a long pause Matt removes the ice
pack. At the crucial moment, the shot changes: though we repeately see
the most gruesome plastic surgery in medical-school detail, we never
see a live penis.
You took a chunk out of your foreskin and lacerated the opening of your
urethra. I can apply a slight pressure bandage. That will get you
through the next
couple of hours.
Matt: And then what?
Sean: And then later today
you're coming into the office. And I'm gonna give you a proper
Matt: No shit?
Sean: On one condition: you
start communicating with me! If there is something about your body you
want changed, one of those nipple rings, whatever, we talk it out
before you try self-mutilation.
And if you have questions about sex, for instance, how to find and
stimulate the clitoris,
you come to me. I want to be involved in your life, Matt. Deal?
Matt (after a long
Later. Sean, Julia and Matt are having
breakfast. Matt reaches for an apple.
Sean: Aah! No food 12 hours
Julia: Matt, you've never even
had your tonsils out. Are you sure you want to do this?
Matt: Yes. It's important to
me, Mom. And Dad agrees, so---
Sean: No, I don't agree. What
you did has to be corrected by a professional. [This
is not "correction". Salvage would be possible, though it is fine
surgery.] I'm doing your circumcision out of
medical necessity. Before we leave, you need to shave your genital
Matt: And the humiliations just
keep coming, don't they. (Exit.)
Julia: I don't like this.
Sean: He'll be fine. I promise.
Later. Sean and Christian are scrubbing
up. Later still, the operating theatre, Matt on the operating table.
Sean looks worried.
Matt: Uncle Chris, what are you
Christian: You're the most
important patient we've ever operated on, Matty. We're just taking
extra precautions, that's all.
(Nurse) Liz: OK guys. Ready
when you are.
Matt: I'm afraid.
Sean and Christian look at each other
Sean: You're gonna be fine,
Matt. I wouldn't do this unless I could guarantee that.
Liz: I want you to count back
from 10, OK?
Matt: 10, 9, ... ( and
he's out. Matt is
Sean: All right. Let's do this.
Clamp. Hemostat. Scalpel.
Christian hands Sean the scalpel. Sean
begins to lower the scalpel but stops. His hand is
Christian: Let me do it. You're
nervous. That's understandable.
Sean: I'm fine. I want to do
Christian: It's OK. We'll
trade. You do Grubman's tummy tuck afterwards. I'll do Matt.
Slow motion. Sean passes the scalpel to
Christian. Instead of seeing anything of Christian doing the
circumcision, to a Strauss waltz, we see ghoulish detail of the tummy
tuck, with emphasis on the forklike retractors and a large gob of fat
being dropped in a bowl.
Later. Vanessa and Matt are on Matt's bed
Vanessa: Did it hurt?
Matt: You were worth it
They both chuckle, looking into each
Matt: The stitches come out
next week. We can do it anytime after that.
As they move together, Sean bursts into
Sean: Matt, have you urinated
yet today? (He starts when he sees Vanessa.
Matt and Sean in the bathroom
Matt: Why do you want to see
Sean: I had to suture your
urinarius, and I want to make sure there's no blood in the urine. That
would be a sign of internal hemorrhaging. And I want to be here to
Why do I need that?
Sean: The first time you pee
after an operation of this nature, It's going to feel like you're
pissing fire, Matt. Just press down on my hand and scream if you want.
Nobody's going to judge you.
Matt: I- I don't need to hold
your hand, Dad. And, uh, can you give me some privacy?
Matt tries to urinate
Sean: Vanessa's a little hard
body, Matt. Looks like you're dating a future prom queen.
Matt: I can't dance.
Sean: OK, well let's come back
in an hour then.
Matt: No, I, uh I mean I really
can't dance. You're right about the prom thing. She's already asked me
to go. And I don't.....don't know how to dance.
Sean: Uh, Well that's OK.
Neither could I. You just say "It's not my thing."
Matt: This works?
Sean: I didn't even dance at my
own wedding. Women like it when there's some mystery there.
Later. Loud rock music. Matt is knocking
and calling at the front door of Vanessa's house. He enters the house.
He sees Vanessa's pompoms and book bag on a settee. He goes upstairs
and slowly opens Vanessa's door. Vanessa is passionately kissing and
groping another girl. They see Matt. Matt runs out.
Later. Matt comes home and tries to sneak
Sean: Hey! Come on in here!
Matt comes back.
Sean: So tell me.
Matt: Tell you what?
Sean: How did it go with
Vanessa? The stitches are out. I figured
you- you know.
Matt (unconvincingly): It was
Sean: Just- great?
Matt: It was everything I
wanted it to be. And I want to thank you for just really helping me out
and giving it to me.
Sean: You're welcome. (They
Matt: Uh, I'm gonna go wash up
Matt goes to his room and closes the
door. He leans against it and starts crying.
well he might. While this plotline is hardly pro-intact, not only did
Matt's circumcision go to waste, but Vanessa was probably telling the
truth that it wasn't his foreskin that was bothering her.]
In later episodes:
Neighbours blaming Matt for another incident
say he "cut his own dick off."
Matt says to a Jewish friend who is
considering converting to Christianity, "I wish I'd saved my foreskin;
I could give it to you."
Episode 2.3. "All Is Vanity", broadcast 22 July
Written by: Andrew Schneider and Diane Frolov
Directed by: Nick Marck
Shelly Tambo (Cynthia Geary) goes to bed with
Holling Vincour (John Callum) and makes an offhand comment about him
being intact. He asks Dr Joel Fleischmann (Rob Morrow) to circumcise
him to be "more in style," but Joel advises against it. Shelly talks
him into it again, but he has a bad dream (in which Joel circumcises
him with a sword in front of an audience "[to give] it a more youthful
and vigorous appearance" and something goes wrong).
Sensing his lack of motivation, Joel finds an excuse (clotting
disorder) NOT to circumcise him.
Animated series about a family living next to a
polluted swamp. Episode 2: "Narcoleptic Scottie" written by Scott Buck
Youngest son, Milo (who is highly
medicated for his Attention Deficit Disorder, among
other things) is being put to bed by his
Pickles: And so the sexual
odyssey of these two strangers breaks every taboo, leading to an
unforgettable nine and a half weeks.
Milo: Read me another video
Pickles: No, honey, it's time
to board the sleepy train to slumber land where fairies make all your
sweet dreams come true. Lockdown! (She pulls up the bed
Milo: Oh, Mom, I'm fully
Pickles: Milo, last night you
were up till dawn trying to circumcise ants.
Milo: That's not crazy. It's a
matter of hygiene. (Pickles blows him a kiss and locks him in
This is either
yet more of TV's endless endorsement of
a parody of TV's endless endorsement of
an attempt at simple bizarreness, but with the
implicit assumption that circumcision is "a matter
Official summary: Mike (Eddie Kaye Thomas) and
Chau (John Cho) harass Euan (Sean Maguire) for sporting the "natural"
look and launch a grass roots movement against his foreskin, so Euan
consults with urologist Dr. Barry Wasserman (guest star Eugene Levy)
who has a bizarre style of penis humor. Lauren Stamile and Jason George
also star. Danny Zuker & Warren Bell wrote the episode directed
by Shelley Jensen.
A locker room at a
I have to say it is nice to finally get to work out with you guys. I
just always work such
crazy hours, you know. I really do enjoy the camaraderie.
Chau: (in terror)
What the hell is that?! (points at Euan's penis, buries his
face in his locker)
Chau: (pointing at
Euan's penis again) On your thingy. You freak! (1)
Mike : Oh... oh... you haven't
seen Euan the uncut version.
Euan: Ah yes... Very good. Ha
Ha Yes, I am uncircumcised.
Chau: Dude I'm... I'm sorry for
staring. But, um... it scares me.
Euan (Sean Maguire )
Euan: Hey look... guys, look...
This is natural. This is the way God intended. And I don't believe God
Jay: Hey Euan. How's it
Euan: Hey Jay. You know my
guys. (Jay, Chau, and Mike
greet by high-fiving one another)
Jay: Say, Euan, I didn't
realize it was casual Friday.
I beg your pardon.
Jay : (pointing at
Euan's penis) I see you're wearing your turtleneck. (Laughter,
more high fives)
Ah, that's good. Can I just say something? If we were in a European
locker room, I would be in the majority.
Jay: Seriously, Euan, you
should have that taken care of. I mean, you're a very attractive man
but that penis is a disaster. (2)
Euan: Well what would you have
me do, Jay?
Jay: Get circumcised.
Euan: No way!
Jay: Hey... hey, I'm your boss,
OK Go see your urologist.
Euan: (still frustrated)
I'm 25 years old. I don't have a urologist, Jay. I wouldn't even know
where to find a urologist.
Wasserman from nowhere)
Dr Wasserman: I'm a urologist. (The
But seriously, I am a urologist. That's my luxury
sedan parked out front - with the license plate P P DOC (he
hands out his business card)
Chau: I saw that. Sweet ride.
Dr. Wasserman: I call it the
penis mobile. Anyway, I specialize in pediatric urology.
Mike: (pointing at
Euan's penis) That will be perfect for you, little fella.
Dr. Wasserman: Don't you listen
to him. You are perfectly normal.
Euan: Thank you , Doctor.
Dr. Wasserman: Except for the
Seriously though... It's very, very unpleasant. (3)
The apartment Euan alone. Enter Liz
Euan: Hey Liz. Hey Jordan.
Liz: What's up with you?
Euan: I was just thinking about
Jordan: (an airhead)
Now I'm thinking about it. Ah great! Now your penis is going to be
stuck in my head all night.
Euan: All right... All right...
No... See, the boys were teasing me today at the gym because I sport
the natural look. Do women have an opinion on this?
Liz: It's not that big a deal.
You do fine with the women. Obviously there's some who don't mind that
Jordan: Yeah, some chicks are
into weird crap. (4)
Jordan: You should see this
urologist in our medical group I work for. Dr. Barry Wasserman. He's so
funny. He calls his house Casa de Pee Pee.
with his date, Tonya. Small talk
yelling) Euan is uncircumcised! Isn't it gross? (5)
Status: Well, it's certainly
gross to talk about.
Jordan, it's a sensitive subject.
Tonya: I don't really know you.
But speaking as a woman. It's no big deal to me.
Euan: (surprised and
Tonya: Sure. As long as I don't
have to touch it. (6) (Exit
Tonya and Status)
Liz: Euan, relax. Women like
you for you. Only the most shallow women are going to get bent out of
shape by appearance.
Jordan: Whip it out. I want to
(Status, Mike, and Chau.
Status is helping Mike get dressed for his date with Liz. Euan
downstairs) Gentleman, I've been crunching the numbers and
they don't look promising. There's a grass roots movement against my
foreskin. A solid 35% of the women I've slept with lately referred to
little Euan as off putting.
Mike: What's the
matter.....they don't like Snuffleupagus? (the hairy
elephant-like creature on Sesame Street) (7)
Status: Listen, you should just
go and see my urologist, Dr. Wasserman. That man is a panic.
Mike: Does everyone know this
Euan: And find him amusing?
Status: I got his number from
P. Diddy. Apparently P had some work done on his diddy.
Euan is sitting on an
examination table in a hospital gown, flipping through a magazine.
Enter Dr. Wasserman.
someone offstage) Just tell him to pack it in ice and stop
playing with it. (to Euan) Mr
Pierce. Good morning.
Euan: Ah....Dr. Wasserman.
Please call me Euan.
Dr. Wasserman: Oh... Reading
about Mel Gibson, I see. He's circumcised.
Euan: Really? It just says here
that it rained a lot during the filming of 'Braveheart'.
Dr. Wasserman: Oh well... we
didn't come here to talk about famous penises now did we? Why don't you
lift the gown and let old Dr. Wasserman poke around. (Dr.
Wasserman inspects Euan's genitals.)
Dr. Wasserman: Are you okay?
Euan: I just thought I was
supposed to do that.
Dr. Wasserman: No... No... You
seem a little nervous, and you shouldn't be. Why don't you just relax
while I go and get an instrument. (He walks to a cabinet and
pulls out a hedge clipper,
the kind that resembles a big pair of scissors) Ah... Here
Euan: Lord! (jumps
from the table.)
Dr. Wasserman: You see, Euan, I
use humor to, uh, help diffuse the awkwardness of one man examining
another man's penis.
Euan: That's a good bit. I feel
a lot more relaxed now. (gets back on the table.)
Dr. Wasserman: Well, it's
thumbs up on the testicles so to speak. Well, you have no balanoposthitis.
You have no phimosis.
However, I can now make a clear diagnosis of your condition.
Euan: Oh really? What's that?
Dr. Wasserman: Weird
wiener-itis (8) (laughing)
But seriously, Euan, it's a frequent reason for adult circumcision. Let
me ask you... have you given any thought to the kind of cut you would
Dr. Wasserman: Would you like
to pick one out from the big book of penises?
Euan: Oh well... I suppose.
Dr. Wasserman: Joking.
Euan: Okay. (chuckles)
Dr. Wasserman: Joking. There is
no big book of penises. I mean maybe there is one, but I certainly
don't have it. One again, I was using humor ro help put you at your
(Enter Jordan. She
tells Dr Wasserman his next appointment has
cancelled. As she leaves, she drops a magazine on the floor. She bends
down to pick up and sneaks a peek at Euan's penis)
Jordan: Ha! I saw it! (Euan
is embarrassed. She leaves.)
Dr. Wasserman: Well, um, here I
am with some free time. And, uh, here you are with uh, some, uh, spare
Dr. Wasserman: Don't put off
till tomorrow what you can just cut off with a razor-sharp scalpel and
a Gomco clamp
Euan: Ah... Well I really
wasn't expecting, uh... You know, perhaps you could just talk me
through the procedure.
Dr. Wasserman: Oh yes, yes,
yes... Of course. (pulling over a tray of instruments)
Well quite simply in layman's terms, what I will be doing is making a
slit in the foreskin whereby the foreskin will be separated from the
glans [This is a
reference to infant circumcision. The adult
foreskin is already separated.] at which
point the bell portion of this Gomco clamp will be placed over the
glans and the foreskin pulled over the bell and through the plate and
the yoke and then I will tighten. (Dr. Wasserman
picks up each instrument and re-enacts each step, to Euan's
(Suddenly Dr. Wasserman
is notified of an emergency by the intercom. He hands the Gomco clamp
to Euan and leaves. Euan
immediately puts the clamp down. He picks up another instrument that
has a huge blade like a chef's knife.)
Euan: Don't' worry little
fella... I'm way ahead of you. (and proceeds to grab his
clothes and flee the examining room.)
A restaurant. Euan and Chau.
Euan: There were clamps and
jokes and Jordan. It was a nightmare.
Chau: You don't have to tell
me. My circumcision was the worst day of my life.
It was the third day of your life. How could you possibly remember?
Chau: Dude, I remember it all:
I'm in this clear plastic crib chilling, scoping out the lady babies. I
had this sweet knit hat on- made me look like Baretta. Then this weird
doctor was all choppity-chop-chop. And I'm
all 'Dude, lay off the golden inch!'
Euan: Chau, that's insane.
The locker room.
Euan is shaving. Mike
makes small talk and leaves. Euan takes off his shorts. Enter a
beautiful blonde female gym employee. Euan hurries to put his
Blonde: Oops! I'm sorry. We
close in a half hour. I didn't think anyone was in here.
Euan: Oh, that's all right.
Come back anytime.
Blonde: I'll do that. Do you
need a towel?
Euan: Oh, no, no... fine,
Thanks, I've got one.
Blonde: I bet it's not as nice
and fresh and soft as this one.
So why don't you drop that one and come here.
Euan: (looks towards
Heaven. Voice over:) Dear Penthouse, I never used to believe
that your letters were true. But this one night at my health club.... (takes
off his towel, throws it to the side, steps from behind the sinks, and
walks toward the Blonde.)
Blonde: (She finally
takes her eyes from Euan's and looks down at his penis.)
Whoa! (9) (she runs away.)
Euan: (startled and
Blonde: Uh, nothing. I just
remembered I'm Jewish. (She runs our of the locker room.)
Euan: (grabbing a
towel and covering up) That's it!. I've had it. Right... I'm
cutting you off! (pointing at his penis
underneath the towel) No, not you two. You're fine. (Exit,
still talking to his genitals.)
Dr. Wasserman: (raising
his head from underneath Euan's gown.) Now, that's what I
call a good clean shave. Slap a little skin-bracer down there and we're
good to go.
Euan: That's the humor again,
Dr. Wasserman: Indeed, it is. (yells)
Suzanne, we're ready!
pushing a tray of instruments)
Euan: That's your urology
assistant? She looks more like a magician's assistant.
Dr. Wasserman: Well, we are
about to make something disappear.
Euan: I set 'em up and you
knock 'em down.
Dr. Wasserman: I guess .
Euan: Ah, well, it's a pleasure
to meet you, Suzanne. I can't help but feel we're skipping ahead a few
steps in our relationship.
Suzanne: Wow. Charming and
pantless. Devastating combination. What are we doing today, Doctor?
Dr. Wasserman: Well, Euan here
will be enjoying a moderate low circumcision. So I will prepare the
anesthetic and then, uh... let's
peel this banana.
Suzanne: So why are you having
this done? Have you had problems with it?
Euan: No, no, no... Lord no.
No, I, uh, just thrive for perfection.
Suzanne: Oh, wow. Talk about
Euan: Yeah, I know. That's why
I'm having it cut off.
Dr. Wasserman: Okay, Euan. Now,
uh, you're going to feel a little pinch here. Uh, in the sense that,
uh, World War II was a little skirmish.
Suzanne: I didn't mean your
foreskin was unattractive. It's your vanity that's a turn-off.
Dr. Wasserman: Okay....here we
Euan: Wait, wait, wait... What
do you mean my vanity?
Suzanne: Well, come on. You're
handsome and charming. But obviously your self-esteem is all wrapped up
in your penis.
Dr. Wasserman: Diving in.
Euan: Wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait... So you're saying my narcissism is more
offensive to you than my foreskin?
Suzanne: Much more.
Euan: Oh my God! She's right.
She's right. Doc, what am I doing?
Dr. Wasserman: Uh, Euan... This
is a simple case of the jitters. It's all perfectly natural. (walks
toward him with a needle)
Euan: Will you get away from me
with that thing! (He jumps up from the operating table.)
Dr. Wasserman: You know, that's
what the wife said to me last night. I'm just kidding. My wife is dead.
foreskin is badmouthed a total of nine times by eight people, and
defended twice, by Euan
himself. Even Suzanne never
says his foreskin is not offensive.
Season 2, Episode 4. "P.P. Doc II: The
Examination Continues" 10 October 2002
Mike and Euan board an elevator, followed by a
beautiful young woman. They introduce themselves and start flirting
with her, when Dr Wasserman suddenly joins them.
Wasserman: Mike, has the
redness gone away? And what about the flaking and peeling? Are you
still using the lotion twice a day?
Mike: Yeah, yeah, sometimes
more; I broke up with my girlfriend.
across the woman): And you, Euan, hows old Snuffleopagus, ah?
I hope you remember that the, uh, uncircumcised penis poses challenges
to hygiene. And smegma may be a funny word, but
it's no laughing matter, believe you me.
Euan: I remember!
(The elevator stops and the woman
Euan: So, Doc, what are you
Wasserman: I just moved in.
Euan: Oo, welcome!
Wasserman: I'm now a proud
resident of the Hadley on Centre St. I found that since my wife's
death, you know, the house was just too hard to keep clean.
Mike: Kinda like Euan's penis. (They
laugh. Euan looks disgusted.)
Wasserman: Well said, well
said. Although I can't really compare my house to Euan's penis. Because
as far as I know my wife didn't leap to her death from the roof of
Euan's penis. Also our house was quite large.
(The elevator stops and Wasserman
gets out. The scene changes.)
Perhaps some humour can be extracted from this
scene in Mike and Euan's near-saintly toleration of Wasserman's
rudeness and uprofessionality. This time there isn't a single defence
of Euan's wholeness.
The Office (US version)
"Baby Shower" - first broadcast October 16, 2008
Dwight (Rainn Wilson) is helping Michael prepare
for the birth of Jan's baby by pretending to give birth to a
watermelon. In an interview with the camera crew, he claims: "Babies
are one of my many areas of expertise. Growing up, I performed
my own circumcision." (In Season 1, he claimed he could raise and lower
his own cholesterol at will.)
This implies that circumcision is an inevitable
part of childbirth.
Series 8 Episode 13: Jury Duty
Angela had an affair with Dwight but left him to
marry a Senator. She has now had a "premature" baby but her officemates
note that he is suspiciously heavy, and Oscar thinks the Senator is
gay. Left alone with Angela, Dwight presses his case:
Dwight: We were together a
month before the wedding. You said that Robert was not fulfilling you,
and I said, 'I bet I could fulfill you,' and you said, 'I'd like to see
you try,' and then I kissed you with the force of a thousand
waterfalls. (Angela is unconvinced. Dwight leaves)
Dwight (to nurse):
Cancel the circumcision. I just might be his father.
The previous reference suggests Dwight has no
particular snitch on circumcising - or the scriptwriters have no
concern for continuity - but his right to decide about circumcising is
here just a token of fatherhood.
Comedy/drama on Channel 10
Dr Chris Havel, a paediatritian, tells nurse Zara
that he's been
called in to "referee" between two warring parents who disagree over
circumcising their newborn baby. The father wants it, the mother
Chris tells Zara that it's a sensitive issue for
him as he was four when he was circumcised, and he remembers it. His
mother was against circumcision, but his father, overseas when he was
born, came home and won the argument. The nurse, who's obviously
interested in him, says she "hopes they did a tidy job", but the doctor
doesn't take the bait.
If he doesn't like being circumcised at all, that
probably did not help.
In a signifcant British case,
it was ruled that where parents disagree, a court order would be
required for him to be circumcised. In a
significant Oregon case, a boy aged 14 was allowed to refuse
to be circumcised where his parents disagreed.
SF "Follows the crew of the not-so-functional
exploratory ship in the Earth's interstellar fleet, 400 years in the
future." Season 1, Episode 3 "About a Girl", first broadcast September
One of the crew, Lt. Cmdr Bortus (Peter
Macon) is of an alien race that is all male. He and his partner Klyden
Coleman) have had a rare female child (by laying an egg...). When this
happens it is the custom of their society to change her sex to male.
Mercer (Seth MacFarlane) and physician Dr Claire Finn (Penny Johnson
Jerald) object to the sex change, prompting Bortus to change
his mind and want to leave his daughter as she was born. A tribunal is
called to determine if the sex change should go ahead, with Mercer as
counsel for Bortus. Counsel for Klyden argues
that the crew has no place interfering in their cultural customs. He
asks Bortus if he is circumcised. Bortus admits he is and
the lawyer argues that to their species, parents choosing to correct a
female child is no different from what many humans do to their male
offspring. Baby has her sex changed.
Assumes that US male genital cutting, less than
150 years old now, will persist unchanged 400 years into the future
(and that an alien would know all
about it). The argument is a bad one: while male genital cutting is bad
enough, it is quite different from a sex change, and less
NBC S05/Ep08, "The Ring" first broadcast November
Adam Braverman (Peter Krause) and his brother
Crosby (Dax Shepard) are sitting in the office at their recording
Crosby: Look, things aren't
perfect for me at home, either. Uh, Jabbar [his 10-year-old son] chose,
over basketball, for his winter sport, ballet. Ballet. It's not even a
Adam: Ballet, that's cool.
Crosby: That's cool? Ballet?
Adam: Yeah. Whats the problem?
Crosby: Well, he was in the
outfit, he had the whole, you know, he was twirlin' around the kitchen
in the, ya know, super thin, here's-what-religion-I-am pants.
The Braverman family lives outside of Oakland,
California, and does not appear to espouse any particular religion but
mainstream, unaffiliated Christianity: "Only Jews circumcise."
Parks and Recreation
Comedy about local body affairs. Season 1, Episode
3, "The Reporter", April 23, 2009 The council plans to turn a
construction pit into a park, and are being interviewed for a local
paper by Shauna Malwae-Tweep (Alison Becker). They have been told to
stay on message and carefully prepared for the interview. Andy (Chris
Pratt), not a staff member himself, broke his legs in a drunken fall
into the pit, but has not yet told the others.
Shauna: So, Andy, tell me
about the night you fell into
Andy: You know, that's actually
a great story. Um, I'd just
finished up a gig with my band Threeskin, formerly Fourskin,
bassist left for personal reasons.
The gratuitous reference is used to indicate Andy
going off-message. Foreskins are always irrelevant. (A band called The
Four Skins occurs in Gore Vidal's Myra Breckenridge,
also purely for its shock value.)
A courtroom drama series
A lawyer is questioning a Roma (Gypsy) woman about
"the barbaric practice of arranged child marriages". The witness points
out that America has barbaric
"When a baby is born you cut off the tip of its
adventure: After a supernatural event at preacher Jesse Custer (Dominic
Cooper)'s church, he enlists the help of Cassidy (Joseph Gilgun), a
vampire, to find God. They are joined by Tulip (Ruth Negga). Season 2,
Episode 1. "On the Road"
Cassidy (out of the
first lines in the
million circumcisions every year. That they report! And that’s just in
this country. [The true
figure is closer to 1.2 million] Think about
Tulip: You know what, Cassidy,
don't want to.
million baby boys' foreskins, right?
Harvested. Piled up! Shoved in the bloody warehouses. And you don’t
wanna know what they're using them for.
the ‘they’, Cassidy?
oligarchs! It's big business.
Skin grafts! Skin grafts -- we know they're puttin’ foreskin in skin
grafts. It was on the Oprah Winfrey show. And they’re puttin’ it in …
to the … the … the face creams you all use -- the girls.
up. They do not put foreskins in face
they do! It helps bloody collagen or
something like that.
Cassidy, that is a lie! You’d feel those
... itty bitty foreskins on you!
you feel is smoother, younger
seeming skin, see? And that’s how they hook you. You just gotta think
Tulip] You do have nice skin.
to illustrate Cassidy's deranged character. Infant male genital cutting
is a weird thing to talk about (but not to do).
Broadcast July 21, 2000
A Jewish woman insists her non-Jewish fiance be
circumcised. He cancels the wedding. She asks a doctor to try to change
his mind. (This would be doubtful ethically.)
She goes to his workplace and persuades him. At the last minute she
changes her mind, but he gets
circumcised anyway to prove his love.
Cute "jokes" in surgery about "Can you feel this?"
He gives the doctor a TV (he sells them) in payment. A relative of the
doctor says, "That must have cost a lot," but the doctor replies, "Oh ,
it's a little bargain." [implying that circumcision is trivial]
The lead character, Dr Sam Beckett (Scott Baluka)
“leaps” into different people’s bodies, temporarily
taking part of other people's lives in order to correct historical
this episode he inhabits the body of a rabbi. Admiral Al Calavicci
(Dean Stockwell) is an assistand in the form of a hologram
who provides him with the information he needs to play each
Calavicci: My third wife,
Ruthie, was Jewish; she taught me the basics.
Of course the more complicated stuff - weddings, circumcisions - you’re
on your own
The topic is
apparently not raised again. Enough that we contemplate Beckett cutting
a baby without instruction. Subtext: infant male genital cutting is
Queer as Folk
Drama about Vince Tyler (Craig Kelly), boyhood
friend but never lover of rich, self-absorbed Stuart Jones (Aidan
Gillen), their parents and their circle of friends, largely set in the
gay clubs of Manchester's Canal St. Stuart was sperm donor for Rosalie
Cotter (Caroline Pegg) and Romey Sullivan (Esther Hall), but unlike the US version, it is Vince who
behaves more like their baby Alfred's father, and there is no
suggestion that Alfred (Alfie Robinson) might be circumcised.
Episode 7, Scene 3, out-take. Vince's 30th
Nathan (Charlie Hunnam):
Donna's getting all worried. Her present's going off. She bought him
Dazz (Jonathan Natynczyk): What
d'you mean, she's bought him cheese?
Nathan: She bought him cheese.
Donna (Carla Henry): It's brie.
(passing the package to them) It's nice. It's
Nathan: (sniffing it)
Smells all cheesy, like a knob.
Dazz: (calls after her)
Vodka and Red Bull thanks.
Nathan: (relishing the
word) Sss- megma! (They fall under the table
It is a given that every man has a foreskin, and if
it smells, that's a joke, not a catastrophe demanding surgery.
Queer As Folk
Sitcom about a group of gay and lesbian friends, a
spin-off of the UK version
which has no reference to circumcision.
Lindsay and Melanie have a bris for their new baby Gus, which Brian
decides to miss until Michael convinces him otherwise. Brian decides to
crash the party and put his parental foot down. ... Brian's involvement
as the father of Gus causes some relationship strain between Lindsay
Promiscuous and wealthy Brian (Gale Harold) has
been a sperm donor for Melanie (Michelle Clunie) and Lindsay (Thea
Gill). Their friend Michael (Hal Sparks) narrates.
(The front of Melanie and Lindsay's
house. Various people are coming with gifts, etc.)
About a week after their baby was born, thanks in part to the
invaluable contribution of Brian Kinney, Lindsay and Melanie had a
party. They invited a herd of their nearest and dearest lesbians,
assorted relatives and us...friends of the father, to their house. (Michael
starts walking up the stairs) It was really nice....
But I'm jumping ahead. Let's go back an hour.
(The camera goes in fast motion out of the house and into the
gym, where Brian is working out and Michael is trying to get him to go)
Brian: I told you. I'm not
going to the muncher's brunch. And that's final.
Michael: Look, it's not for
them. It's for your son.
son. He's only my son when they want my
Michael: So why punish him by
Brian: Look, it's not as if
he's gonna know I'm not there.
(Brian enters the steam room, Michael close behind)
Michael: And if anybody should
ask where you are?
Brian: Just tell them the
usual. (takes towel off and throws it at Michael)
Something came up.
(At the party. Melanie and Lindsay
approach, carrying Gus)
Michael: Oh, here he is. Can I
Lindsay: It's almost time for
the ceremony. Where's Brian?
Michael: He couldn't make it.
He said to tell you that, uh -
Mel: Something came up. Hm. I
can guess what.
Rabbi: Shall we begin?
Lindsay: This is Rabbi Protesh.
He'll be doing the Bris.
Emmett: Oh, I love pot roast.
Ted: That's brisket. I believe,
in the Jewish faith, a bris is a circumcision ceremony.
Rabbi: That's correct. First I
give the boy child a little wine. Then I say a prayer or two. Then I
take my scalpel and I remove his foreskin.
(At the gym, Brian is changing. His phone
rings and he answers it)
Brian: How's the party? The screen splits to show Michael and Brian)
Michael: You better get your
ass over here fast.
Brian: Why? With all those
bull-dykes around, is there a shortage of bottoms?
Michael: No. I... I... Remember
Lindsay and Melanie's invitation, the part that was in Hebrew? I just
found out what that means.
(Melanie is holding the naked baby as the
Rabbi: In every Jewish boy's
life, there are three steps to becoming a man. First, his bris. Then
his Bar-Mitzvah, and finally, his marriage. (as he talks, the
camera goes around the room - Michael and Ted are holding Emmett up)
For thirty-five hundred years, the circumcision ritual has been the
fundamental sign of the covenant between God and Israel. Melanie, will
you please place your son on his mother's lap? (She does so.
Closeups as the Rabbi picks up a Mogen
Emmett: Oh, my god. He's really
going to do it. Okay, I - I can't, uh -
Michael: Where's Brian?
Ted: Looking after the only
dick that matters... his own.
(As the Rabbi bends over the baby, we hear Brian's voice)
Brian: Excuse me, Rabbi. (looks
at Mel and Lindsay) You two. In the kitchen...now!
(In the kitchen)
Mel: What the hell do you think
you're doing? Barging in here, interrupting a religious ceremony?
Brian: You should have asked my
Mel: For what?
Brian: To circumcise my son.
Mel: We don't have to ask for
permission. We're the parents.
Brian: And I'm the biological
father, and that gives me more rights than you.
Mel: Oh, ho ho. I see someone's
been studying his law.
Lindsay: Look, this is no time
to be having this conversation with a house full of guests.
Mel: Yeah, and since when did
you start caring about your son? Considering you haven't been to see
him once since he was born.
Brian: Well, I'm not exactly
Mel: Oh, bullshit! You've been
too busy fucking everything that moves!
Lindsay: Can we please stop
this?! (everyone falls silent) (to Brian) Why does
it matter to you if Gus is circumcised?
Brian: It matters that he's
been in this world less than a week and already there are people who
won't accept him for the way he is. Who would even mutilate him rather
than let him be the way he is. The way he was born.
Well, I'm not going to let that happen.
Rabbi: Excuse me? Uh, shall we
(Everyone is silent as Mel looks at Lindsay)
is not circumcised.
(At the diner. Emmett, Katsuo, Brian, Ted
and Michael all share a booth)
Emmett: You really showed those
dykes who's got the low hangers.
Michael: And for once, it was
Ted: I've always said, there's
only two reasons to be friends with lesbians. They'll never try to
convince you that the only reason you're gay is that you haven't met
the right woman. And, uh, they know how to change a flat.
Brian: It wasn't about them. It
was about my son. If I don't look out for him, who will?
Michael: Wow! If you're not
careful, you might turn out to be an all right dad in spite of
yourself. raises glass) To Brian.
Ted and Emmett: To Brian.
(Melanie and Lindsay's house. Melanie is
in a bad mood as they walk through the house doing various things)
Lindsay: Should I freeze this
or toss it? I'd rather not have it around while I'm trying to get back
into shape. (silence) So, how long is this going to
go on? Or do you plan never to speak to me ever again?
Mel: What would you like me to
Mel: All right, how about "I
have a house full of uneaten cold cuts and an uncircumcised son"? How's
Oh. Look. Brian's going to take out the insurance policy. At least he's
agreed to do that. That's something, isn't it?
Mel: Oh, my consolation prize.
Lindsay: It was important
enough to you last week.
Mel: So was this afternoon. But
now I have been humiliated in front of our friends, my relatives, Rabbi
Protesh. Where's the goddamn plastic wrap? (grabs it)
And you let him do it.
Mel: You're the one who decided
to call off the bris. Of course, I know it's not very important to you
or Brian, but it happens to be a very important ritual in my family.
Lindsay: You know, there are a
lot of men who think circumcision is a cruel and barbaric practice.
Mel: I don't care what men
think about their dicks! I care that you put Brian before me. But, you
know, why should I be surprised? You always have.
Lindsay: Oh, for Christ' sake,
are we really gonna go through this again? I don't wanna have this
Mel: Yeah, and I didn't want
Brian be the baby's father in the first place. But, no, you had to have
it your way. It had to be Brian or no one. So now he' s a part of our
lives forever. Whether we like it or not.
(Melanie and Lindsay's bedroom. Melanie
has been answering the telephone)
Mel: I'm sorry it woke you, and
the baby. I know you need your rest.
Lindsay: I was up anyway.
Mel: You were? So was I. Just
thinking about all the terrible things I said.
Lindsay: No, I should have
stood up to him. I should have.
Mel: No. I mean, it was best to
be practical. I mean, this way Gus - how am I ever gonna get used to
that name? - may keep his foreskin but still be provided for.
Lindsay: (sits down
next to Mel) Look, it doesn't matter who's right. We can't
allow Brian to come between us, as much as he'd like to.
Mel: And you know he would.
Lindsay: Even if he is the
father, we're still the parents. You and me. Gus belongs to us. And
that's why we had him.
Mel: Well, you
had him. Aside from saying "Push" and "Breathe" I really didn't have
that much to do with it.
Lindsay: You had everything to
do with it. I never would have had him without you. (They kiss.)
Just remember that...next time you're wondering who comes first. (they
look down at Gus)
Since neither biological parent is Jewish, Gus is
not Jewish and need not be circumcised.
While some remarkably Intactivist statements are made (including
Brian's implicit linking of the enforced conformity of circumcision
with the conformity enforced on gay people), much of the discussion -
especially Melanie's contribution - ignores any effect circumcision
might have on Gus.
Emmett creates a screen name for himself that
includes everything that he wants to be: 4 per cent body fat, big beefy
top 9[inches] by 6 UNCUT.
[June 5, 2005]
Ted, who has been depressed about aging, going
bald, and gaining weight on earlier episodes, has decided to undergo
multiple cosmetic surgery. In a hospital room right before the surgery,
with several markings on his face where the alterations will be done,
he is having doubts. Emmett is with him.
Ted: I've never had any surgery
before. I still have everything intact,
you know. My ... my appendix. My tonsils.
Ted: My wisdom teeth. This will
be my first time under the knife.
Emmett: Pish! It's nothing.
Ted: You can sit there and pish
all you want, I'm the one about to suffer
severe pain for the sake of a new me. What if I don't like the new me?
... Maybe Brian was right ...
maybe this obsession with youth and beauty is shallow, superficial, and
Ted tells Melanie he's no longer
satisfied with sleeping around since becoming so popular after the
cosmetic surgery, and he wants to settle down. She tells him that if he
wants to get hitched, he needs a Jewish guy because they make the best
marriage material - that is, if the man can get past his incestuous
relationship with his mother that lasts beyond the grave.
Later, Ted and Brian are at work at Brian's ad
agency where Ted is Brian's
Ted: Hey listen, how about
coming along with me to Beth Emmanuel's
Brian: Who's she?
Ted: It's a temple. They're
having their monthly gay get-together at
Woody's and I want to meet a mensch, settle down.
Later. Ted is at the mixer, at the bar ordering a
As he turns, he bumps into a man and spills it. After some small talk...
Ted: Ted Schmidt. Shalom
Adam: Adam Bernstein. Shalom,
and nice to meet you too.
Cut to them seated at a table, talking,
obviously attracted to each other.
Ted and Adam come back to Ted's place after their
first date. They kiss
Adam: You know I never put too
much stock into those mixers at Woody's. I
mainly went to confirm my convictions that nothing would ever come of
Ted: That's so pessimistic.
Adam: It's not pessimistic.
It's, uh, it's Jewish. But this time it
Ted: For me, too.
They walk to the sofa.
Adam: Do you mind if I ask you
a personal question?
Ted: "Do I ever have sex on the
Adam: How did you guess?
Ted: Depends how it goes.
Adam: How would you say this is
Adam starts to kiss Ted again,
passionately. He goes down on his
knees and starts to unbutton Ted's pants. Ted lies back. Then he
nothing is happening.
Ted: Everything all right down
Adam: Frankly, no.
Ted: What's wrong?
Adam: You're not Jewish.
Ted: I never said I was.
Adam: But you were at the
Ted: I wanted to meet a nice
Adam (shaking his
head, getting up): So did I.
Ted: Well, look, I mean, why
let a little thing like my not being
Jewish ruin what could be a beautiful relationship?
Because I want a Jewish husband. Because I want
to settle down, carry on traditions, heritage.
Ted: I'll- I'll- I'll have the
surgery. Oy, more surgery. Uh, I'll, uh,
convert, huh? Elizabeth Taylor did it. Marylin Monroe, Sammy Davis
Adam: Look, you're a nice guy,
Ted, just not a nice Jewish guy.
Later at Babylon, Brian's gay
Ted: My date was a bust.
Brian: What went wrong?
Ted: You could say I didn't
make the cut.
Brian: You'll live.
Ted: Yeah. I don't know how you
do it. You always know the right thing
As usual, "circumcised" = "Jewish" in both Ted's
and Adam's expectations. That Ted could could be unaware that his
intactness might be an issue defies belief. The contradiction between
Adam's traditionalism regarding circumcision and his lack of it
regarding homosexuality goes unexplored.
Season 3, Episode 21, "Bar Mitzvah: The Musical",
first broadcast 28 March 2013
The parents (Lee Majors, Shirley Jones) of Burt
Chance (Garret Dillahunt) arrive for an unplanned visit. They tell him
that they have
done some genealogy and discovered that they are actually Jewish. They
urge Burt - who must be 40 or so - to study for and have a bar mitzvah.
They'll invite all their
friends, including a bunch of Jewish people they know.
In a musical scene in which men hoist Burt in a
chair (as at Jewish weddings), everyone in the room sings about aspects
of Judaism. One line is to the effect that "our wieners
are cut". (Fiddler on the Roof this isn't.)
At the end of the episode, Burt's parents are
caught lying about
his Jewish heritage. They were short of money and figured they could
get a lot of it by faking a bar mitzvah.
Season 4 Episode 15, "Anniversary Ball", first
broadcast 7 February 2014
Jimmy Chance (Lucas Neff), is in the manager's
office of Howdy's Market where he works, talking to his father, Burt,
manager, Barney Hughes (Gregg Binkley), and another employee, Frank
(Todd Giebenhain). Burt has just told the others in the room that he
found a lump on his testicle, and Barney mentions that he once found a
lump on one of his.
Burt: What do I need a doctor
for? I got a Barney. You're an expert.
Barney: Whoa, whoa, whoa Burt,
I'm not a doctor.
Burt: It doesn't matter. You
remember what yours felt like. If mine feels the same, I know I got
nothing to worry about.
Barney: I'm not qualified...
(Burt stands up in front of the seated
Barney and drops his jeans. Barney's surprised face is shown from
behind Burt, between his legs. Barney blinks a couple of times while
apparently looking at Burt's genitals, then looks slightly away.)
Barney: (awkwardly) ... and
you're definitely not Jewish.
Barney would have known that from the episode
above - but also, from the same episode, that people can be Jewish
without knowing it or being circumcised. It's a gratuitous, throwaway
line, inserted because of the jokey uneasiness
Americans have with circumcision. Burt is a bumbling, often clueless
character who says and does outrageous things, and for the mainstream
American audiences this is written for, being intact is another sign of
The Real Housewives
of New York City
Season 5, Episode 16: What Happens in St. Barths
Doesn't Stay in St. Barths.
Heather Thomson: So let me
tell you, I didn't grow up Jewish. When John said "you don't have to
convert to Judaism when you marry me, but I would like to raise my
Carole Radziwill: Are they being raised
Heather: Yeah, totally.
Carole: Did you have a, what is it when
they cut the, the foreskin?
Heather: Oh, yes, he had his bris. A
Carole: I've been to a bris.
Heather: Yeah, it's not great because,
you know, you feel bad and it doesn't feel good. But it looks so much
better when you're 25, you're like "YEAH!".
Carole: You ever been with a guy
Heather: Yeah. I don't like it.
Carole: I don't mind.
Heather: I didn't like it.
Carole: I'm a little bit of a size
queen, but, you know, it matters who it's attached to.
Heather: Although, I gotta say this, it
doesn't matter who's attached to the small penis. Sorry.
Real World XIII: Washington DC
Episode 10 "Laughing Panda, Changing Ty", first
broadcast March 3, 2010, 22 mins in. video (plays in the US only)
Andrew's younger brother, William, is visiting
are in the hot tub and Andrew says to William
"If I had twins I would circumcise one and not
the other.....that's how I would tell them apart and would name them
the exact same name: Robert and Robert."
This has reportedly happened - the single
circumcision, not the name - nobody would be so
stupid as to give twins the same name.
Science fiction comedy about three mismatched
Characters routinely uses "Smeg!" as an expletive,
presumably as a contraction of smegma.
It may also be relevant that Smeg is an Italian brand
of whiteware sold widely throughout Europe.
The existence of smegma is taken as a given.
In part 1 of the series
Young men are being trained to be warriors. The
"What is the most important role of a Mandinka
raise a family ... It is important that your fotos [penises] be clean
Thus begins the circumcision ritual.
There is no evidence that African genital cutting
was done for either cleanliness or health. This seems to be a modern US
cultural imposition on the rite.
Children's cartoon. Season 2, Episode 4 Showdown
at Teeter-Totter Gulch
Official summary: A mean girl steals babies' toys at the park by no
shadows time, so Tommy stands up to her and turns her into a nice girl.
Chucky says, "Something happened to him [Tommy]
his first 8 days, I dont know what it is, but after that he changed and
does not like to see babies getting picked on."
Either "Circumcision makes children
compassionate" (unlikely, but one circumstition
is similar) or "Circumcision is picking on babies."